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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 324942" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>Thanks everyone .... putting on that rhino skin armor now ..... seriously, thank you. I know everything you've said is true. Susie, you remember his behaviors perfectly, from up all night/sleep all day/hurt too much to do anything around the house to being angry and scary when he's thwarted or challenged. Just yesterday I talked about him working eight hours/day and he looked incredulous, and when I asked him to bring the trash bins up he only did it with many comments on having had no sleep, hurting a lot, having 'nothing' in terms of energy, etc. And the girlfriend really is a dealbreaker - she's not a difficult child but is so dependent and amotivated that I'd be tearing my hair out around her for different reasons, and I have little enough hair left, Know what I mean??</p><p></p><p>difficult child does have the option of emergency housing through our local mental health service organization, although he would probably have to spend some time in the men's shelter initially. But he can get shared supervised housing pretty quickly. The 'catch' is that he can't take the girlfriend and he'd have to do volunteer work around the property. I think it sounds great. He doesn't want to leave girlfriend; he's convinced that she'll never get away from her mother if she doesn't leave with him. His focus on 'saving' girlfriend is giving him tunnel vision about his options. From where I sit, girlfriend has a lot of therapy work to do to get her boundaries established and some decisions made. Simply moving from her mother's place to ours wouldn't solve a number of major issues that aren't relevant here, but would prevent her from successfully moving anywhere. </p><p></p><p>husband is still adamant this morning, and daughter is too - no moving home. I would like husband to be the one to deal with the anger and tears and fallout from difficult child - husband will tell difficult child he can't move home, I have no doubt, but then husband will be off to work and difficult child will focus on me to vent his disappointment. Besides the anger/tears and accusations of us not loving him, treating him worse than his sibs, not caring if he lives or dies etc., I can also see difficult child acting out to show us how horrible we are - either drinking again, or lying outside in the cold and getting frostbite, or cutting, etc. It sounds cowardly to be so anxious about coping with difficult child's reaction but I feel unable to deal with much stress anymore - sort of like my adrenal glands are all used up and I just can't cope with one more crisis.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 324942, member: 2884"] Thanks everyone .... putting on that rhino skin armor now ..... seriously, thank you. I know everything you've said is true. Susie, you remember his behaviors perfectly, from up all night/sleep all day/hurt too much to do anything around the house to being angry and scary when he's thwarted or challenged. Just yesterday I talked about him working eight hours/day and he looked incredulous, and when I asked him to bring the trash bins up he only did it with many comments on having had no sleep, hurting a lot, having 'nothing' in terms of energy, etc. And the girlfriend really is a dealbreaker - she's not a difficult child but is so dependent and amotivated that I'd be tearing my hair out around her for different reasons, and I have little enough hair left, Know what I mean?? difficult child does have the option of emergency housing through our local mental health service organization, although he would probably have to spend some time in the men's shelter initially. But he can get shared supervised housing pretty quickly. The 'catch' is that he can't take the girlfriend and he'd have to do volunteer work around the property. I think it sounds great. He doesn't want to leave girlfriend; he's convinced that she'll never get away from her mother if she doesn't leave with him. His focus on 'saving' girlfriend is giving him tunnel vision about his options. From where I sit, girlfriend has a lot of therapy work to do to get her boundaries established and some decisions made. Simply moving from her mother's place to ours wouldn't solve a number of major issues that aren't relevant here, but would prevent her from successfully moving anywhere. husband is still adamant this morning, and daughter is too - no moving home. I would like husband to be the one to deal with the anger and tears and fallout from difficult child - husband will tell difficult child he can't move home, I have no doubt, but then husband will be off to work and difficult child will focus on me to vent his disappointment. Besides the anger/tears and accusations of us not loving him, treating him worse than his sibs, not caring if he lives or dies etc., I can also see difficult child acting out to show us how horrible we are - either drinking again, or lying outside in the cold and getting frostbite, or cutting, etc. It sounds cowardly to be so anxious about coping with difficult child's reaction but I feel unable to deal with much stress anymore - sort of like my adrenal glands are all used up and I just can't cope with one more crisis. [/QUOTE]
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