Oh Pigless, I'm so very sorry. I can't help feeling when I read your post that he and my ex - my son's biodad, would have been much alike. Your SO is not so extreme of course, but close. Ex also wouldn't hold a job, spent money I earned and wanted it all done for him. He wanted us to buy a house, so I did, then ended up foreclosed because he was happy to spend my money, but not earn any. He was jealous - I wasn't allowed to have any male friends, he even worried about co-workers and I couldn't be alone with anyone ever. Back then, I'd have said, "He's basically a good man" too. He was the kind of guy who would literally do anything for his friends, work super hard helping them with car repairs and home improvements, but wouldn't get a job with a construction company or a car repair place and do it for money. I never understood it.
You will move on. You will find the way. As time goes on you will develop supports. As for money, you say the farm is "huge". Do you have fields that you don't need? Can you rent them out to local farmers to make some extra money? I know a lot of small farmers who do that, I don't know what it pays. There must be some ways to help the farm bring money in. Maybe that's where your research should start?
In the meantime...as everyone else has said...you have us. 
