I'm so very sorry. Just awful. ((((hugs))))
The one thing positive about the story is his suggestion and willingness to go to therapy. But, I agree with the above poster that something about him seems "off," especially if you compare and contrast it to you and your postings which, although we don't know you in "real" life, always are intelligent, up front, well thought out, indicate clear thought and a hard working, caring individual.
"He isn't an alcoholic, an addict, or crazy." A thousand apologies, but this criteria seems limited to me. And did I read this right...he gets along with one of your children, but not so much with the other? It is concerning to me that he left a job without a replacement or at the very least, strong intentions and actions to replace it immediately. AND that he left his later job without telling you.
Unless he corrects this situation ASAP, perhaps goes to personal therapy and the two of you go to family therapy and there are big improvements.... but..... Follow your gut. This, for this very moment, is not looking good. Difficult. Asking him to leave sounds absolutely fair!
REgarding support, housing, your future....can you sell the farm if necessary? Might you make a profit? Are there separate quarters at the farm that you could rent out? Is there any chance at all that you could get a promotion at work? How old is your oldest child? Can he or she get a summer job?
I would review your financial holdings. Quietly check out how much it would cost to live in a small apartment not too far away from your job.
If you aren't doing so already, perhaps get some at least short term counseling for yourself to review your options and to strengthen your resolve.
Whatever you decide to do, there is no doubt in my mind that you can get through this difficult time and will do very well. You have a good head on your shoulders and my guess is just like you are thought of highly on this site, are thought of highly in "real" life as well.
