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Inappropriate touching among siblings
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 164106" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>This incident was not about sex so much as about control. The boy used threats to make the girl do something he wanted and she did not, and which was wrong for both of them.</p><p></p><p>I speak from experience (although in our case it wasn't siblings).</p><p></p><p>easy child was attacked like this at her school by another student. She was 5, the boy was 7. He told her he was going to have sex with her and that it would hurt. he said that if she told, he would send his father around to our house and his father would kill me by running over me with his lawnmower. As a result easy child was so terrified she told nobody for two years. By then she was saying that she never wanted to have kids of her own because to do so, you had to have sex and sex hurt - she remembered that it did. I never got any more information from her, and now she's an adult she has blocked it out.</p><p></p><p>I got counselling for easy child as soon as I knew, but by then the boy was out of reach. Looking back, I wish I had tried harder to find him, or get the authorities to find him, although easy child would never have made a formal statement to police because she was just too scared.</p><p></p><p>easy child was 5, but damaged by this. The boy was 7 and had (to my mind) been damaged by someone else (his father?) which led to his attack on easy child.</p><p></p><p>So don't discount the possibility of damage to these kids just because they are young. This boy knew he was doing the wrong thing, he planned it, he made threats and he is now denying it. Even if he is "not the full quid" he needs to know that it is wrong and a very serious crime. He also needs to know that diminished responsibility is not sufficient excuse, he has to learn that this must not happen again.</p><p></p><p>I also agree with others who have said to not be too quick to believe this is the first and only time. The boy was able to do a lot in a very short window of opportunity, which tells me he was either extraordinarily lucky, or well practised.</p><p></p><p>My vote overwhelmingly is for counselling, fast, for both. The girl also needs to know that her honour is worth fighting for and that her word is being taken seriously. Failure to act promptly will send her the message that her feelings are of little account, and that in life she has to get used to being taken advantage of and having no voice.</p><p></p><p>Protect her fast, get her away from the boy, and get them help. I'd also be investigating what has happened to the boy in the past to send his thoughts down this bizarre avenue.</p><p></p><p>When I think back to easy child's attack and what was happening in other areas at the time, I recall a drive to put in place a campaign to teach our kids protective behaviour ("good touching" and "bad touching"). And I remember the parents who were very emphatically against this - the boy's father especially was vocal about his objections. Of course, I had no idea why at the time.</p><p></p><p>So if anyone is particularly complacent about this ("it's not really such a serious issue, is it?") or objects to the counselling on the grounds of "we don't want all these strangers getting involved, who knows what sort of problems it will stir up?" then have a really hard look at their possible motives. Never be too surprised at what you may find. I have been horrified at times when I have discovered some of the nicest, kindest people who were in fact sexual predators.</p><p></p><p>Good luck with this one. You will need to be strong.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 164106, member: 1991"] This incident was not about sex so much as about control. The boy used threats to make the girl do something he wanted and she did not, and which was wrong for both of them. I speak from experience (although in our case it wasn't siblings). easy child was attacked like this at her school by another student. She was 5, the boy was 7. He told her he was going to have sex with her and that it would hurt. he said that if she told, he would send his father around to our house and his father would kill me by running over me with his lawnmower. As a result easy child was so terrified she told nobody for two years. By then she was saying that she never wanted to have kids of her own because to do so, you had to have sex and sex hurt - she remembered that it did. I never got any more information from her, and now she's an adult she has blocked it out. I got counselling for easy child as soon as I knew, but by then the boy was out of reach. Looking back, I wish I had tried harder to find him, or get the authorities to find him, although easy child would never have made a formal statement to police because she was just too scared. easy child was 5, but damaged by this. The boy was 7 and had (to my mind) been damaged by someone else (his father?) which led to his attack on easy child. So don't discount the possibility of damage to these kids just because they are young. This boy knew he was doing the wrong thing, he planned it, he made threats and he is now denying it. Even if he is "not the full quid" he needs to know that it is wrong and a very serious crime. He also needs to know that diminished responsibility is not sufficient excuse, he has to learn that this must not happen again. I also agree with others who have said to not be too quick to believe this is the first and only time. The boy was able to do a lot in a very short window of opportunity, which tells me he was either extraordinarily lucky, or well practised. My vote overwhelmingly is for counselling, fast, for both. The girl also needs to know that her honour is worth fighting for and that her word is being taken seriously. Failure to act promptly will send her the message that her feelings are of little account, and that in life she has to get used to being taken advantage of and having no voice. Protect her fast, get her away from the boy, and get them help. I'd also be investigating what has happened to the boy in the past to send his thoughts down this bizarre avenue. When I think back to easy child's attack and what was happening in other areas at the time, I recall a drive to put in place a campaign to teach our kids protective behaviour ("good touching" and "bad touching"). And I remember the parents who were very emphatically against this - the boy's father especially was vocal about his objections. Of course, I had no idea why at the time. So if anyone is particularly complacent about this ("it's not really such a serious issue, is it?") or objects to the counselling on the grounds of "we don't want all these strangers getting involved, who knows what sort of problems it will stir up?" then have a really hard look at their possible motives. Never be too surprised at what you may find. I have been horrified at times when I have discovered some of the nicest, kindest people who were in fact sexual predators. Good luck with this one. You will need to be strong. Marg [/QUOTE]
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