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Family of Origin
Inclusion vs. Exclusion- blog draft concerning families
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 675424" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>So, this is taken from an article in our newspaper this morning. The columnist: Carolyn Hax, of The Washington Post.</p><p></p><p>"<em>You can, though, come up with an understanding of his behavior that feels less personally insulting, such as, "He faced temptation as we all do, and this time it exposed him as weak." Or you can acknowledge where you're drawing conclusions without enough facts ~ maybe, "A failure to express remorse is not the same as a failure to feel remorse."</em> <em>Indeed, he could feel bad about his actions but lack the courage to say so.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Or you can leave him mostly out of it and concentrate your mental dialogue on forgiving yourself ~ for picking the wrong guy (</em>that would be the wrong parents and sisters, in our cases, you guys<em>), for missing signs that all wasn't well, for not embracing that having real feelings for real people is a messy business, that disappointments are inevitable. Or just forgive yourself for caring so much, since it's better than the alternative ~ even when it feels otherwise.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Find what sits right with you, and when you're ready, make it all the reason you need to consider the matter closed. Not painless, just closed."</em></p><p></p><p>And that fits so well with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross:</p><p></p><p>“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”</p><p></p><p>― <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1506.Elisabeth_K_bler_Ross" target="_blank">Elisabeth Kübler-Ross</a></p><p></p><p>Or, this one, which I found looking up the one I wanted, but which I like very much, too:</p><p></p><p>“It is very important that you only do what you love to do. you may be poor, you may go hungry, you may lose your car, you may have to move into a shabby place to live, but you will totally live. And at the end of your days you will bless your life because you have done what you came here to do. Otherwise, you will live your life as a prostitute, you will do things only for a reason, to please other people, and you will never have lived. and you will not have a pleasant death.”</p><p></p><p>― <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1506.Elisabeth_K_bler_Ross" target="_blank">Elisabeth Kübler-Ross</a></p><p></p><p>Huh.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 675424, member: 17461"] So, this is taken from an article in our newspaper this morning. The columnist: Carolyn Hax, of The Washington Post. "[I]You can, though, come up with an understanding of his behavior that feels less personally insulting, such as, "He faced temptation as we all do, and this time it exposed him as weak." Or you can acknowledge where you're drawing conclusions without enough facts ~ maybe, "A failure to express remorse is not the same as a failure to feel remorse."[/I] [I]Indeed, he could feel bad about his actions but lack the courage to say so.[/I] [I]Or you can leave him mostly out of it and concentrate your mental dialogue on forgiving yourself ~ for picking the wrong guy ([/I]that would be the wrong parents and sisters, in our cases, you guys[I]), for missing signs that all wasn't well, for not embracing that having real feelings for real people is a messy business, that disappointments are inevitable. Or just forgive yourself for caring so much, since it's better than the alternative ~ even when it feels otherwise.[/I] [I]Find what sits right with you, and when you're ready, make it all the reason you need to consider the matter closed. Not painless, just closed."[/I] And that fits so well with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” ― [URL='http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1506.Elisabeth_K_bler_Ross']Elisabeth Kübler-Ross[/URL] Or, this one, which I found looking up the one I wanted, but which I like very much, too: “It is very important that you only do what you love to do. you may be poor, you may go hungry, you may lose your car, you may have to move into a shabby place to live, but you will totally live. And at the end of your days you will bless your life because you have done what you came here to do. Otherwise, you will live your life as a prostitute, you will do things only for a reason, to please other people, and you will never have lived. and you will not have a pleasant death.” ― [URL='http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1506.Elisabeth_K_bler_Ross']Elisabeth Kübler-Ross[/URL] Huh. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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