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Independence Day thoughts about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 600733" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Thanks everyone. I am always comforted by your responses.</p><p></p><p>Barbara, you were right about the three days......... <em>after the rage burns out the dust in the corners of our hearts and minds...</em>.........I am feeling so much better these last couple of days..........this morning I made a conscious decision to be completely engaged in life, in the moment, in joy...........I had a bit of a slow start, but as the day progressed, I noticed I got very involved in the day. I was especially happy to be digging in the dirt, playing in the garden, replanting some plants and flowers...........<em>for many hours.</em> <span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p>I realized for the last year and a half, I did minimal gardening, just enough to keep everything alive, today it was very different, like it used to be, me happily out there in the hot sun, not thinking, not worrying, not picturing my difficult child in some dismal place............it was WONDERFUL!! That anger I felt the other day blew me into a new zone, a much clearer space, void of much difficult child clutter, it feels a lot better here. A piece of me that's been lost in space, lost in difficult child land.........has come back to me, I can actually feel it.........I didn't even realize that piece was gone until it came back.........it's energy, it's being more alive and available for life..........it's presence in life......it makes me really happy to write that right now...........</p><p></p><p>Thanks Skotti, listening to you speak about your Dad and your present feelings is very soothing, I appreciate your honesty so much. I wish I could change the outcome too..........</p><p></p><p>WTW, thank you. You and I are soul sisters on this journey..........as is Barbara........... as are many of us....... our hearts connected in ways which are really indescribable and yet, so very real......... perhaps it's the depth of pain which unites us, the deep understanding of the love for our children, and the magnitude of the heartbreak ....... that only another mother experiencing this could fathom......... </p><p></p><p>Busywend, thanks for "getting it" and cheering me on, it's always so good to have cheerleaders on the sidelines as we wade through all of this 'stuff.'</p><p></p><p>You've all kept me buoyed above the dark, raging waters of the despair inherent in detachment...........I am wildly grateful for all of you.........and wildly grateful to be alive and kicking, not just surviving...........not just treading water............not waiting for the other shoe to drop........... but feeling pretty good ...........even though nothing has really changed for my difficult child.............. <em>everything </em>has changed for me................. today was a very good day. Big smile.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 600733, member: 13542"] Thanks everyone. I am always comforted by your responses. Barbara, you were right about the three days......... [I]after the rage burns out the dust in the corners of our hearts and minds...[/I].........I am feeling so much better these last couple of days..........this morning I made a conscious decision to be completely engaged in life, in the moment, in joy...........I had a bit of a slow start, but as the day progressed, I noticed I got very involved in the day. I was especially happy to be digging in the dirt, playing in the garden, replanting some plants and flowers...........[I]for many hours.[/I] [COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR] I realized for the last year and a half, I did minimal gardening, just enough to keep everything alive, today it was very different, like it used to be, me happily out there in the hot sun, not thinking, not worrying, not picturing my difficult child in some dismal place............it was WONDERFUL!! That anger I felt the other day blew me into a new zone, a much clearer space, void of much difficult child clutter, it feels a lot better here. A piece of me that's been lost in space, lost in difficult child land.........has come back to me, I can actually feel it.........I didn't even realize that piece was gone until it came back.........it's energy, it's being more alive and available for life..........it's presence in life......it makes me really happy to write that right now........... Thanks Skotti, listening to you speak about your Dad and your present feelings is very soothing, I appreciate your honesty so much. I wish I could change the outcome too.......... WTW, thank you. You and I are soul sisters on this journey..........as is Barbara........... as are many of us....... our hearts connected in ways which are really indescribable and yet, so very real......... perhaps it's the depth of pain which unites us, the deep understanding of the love for our children, and the magnitude of the heartbreak ....... that only another mother experiencing this could fathom......... Busywend, thanks for "getting it" and cheering me on, it's always so good to have cheerleaders on the sidelines as we wade through all of this 'stuff.' You've all kept me buoyed above the dark, raging waters of the despair inherent in detachment...........I am wildly grateful for all of you.........and wildly grateful to be alive and kicking, not just surviving...........not just treading water............not waiting for the other shoe to drop........... but feeling pretty good ...........even though nothing has really changed for my difficult child.............. [I]everything [/I]has changed for me................. today was a very good day. Big smile. [/QUOTE]
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