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Infectious Madness by Harriet Washington
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 670167" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Cedar, so nice to hear from you. I hope your trip was not too bad. Traveling does take a toll on our minds and bodies.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You know your musings here have made me want to research more about anger. I have just found in my life, when I am angry, nothing good ever comes of it? Also, my hubs comes from a history of domestic violence. In our younger years, rage would come out when he drank. This is how I can relate to Feeling, as she wrote of her fear when the electricity went out. When my husband went through his drinking years, I would lay in bed and be consumed with worry and stress over "who" would be coming home. I would startle over the smallest noises, the refrigerator motor, thinking that was the car pulling up.</p><p>Rage, anger. Levels of consciousness. My husband has improved much since then, but there is still that deep anger underneath the skin. I call him the "Extreme Chinese Waitress". No offense to Chinese people. My hubs is part Chinese. The language even sounds angry. Short choppy words that seem to have to be spoken fast, and loud, very loud. The intonations are so different, so intense. When I go in to Chinatown to shop for vegetables, I must be ready to be pushed, shoved and cut in front of. If one is not aggressive, one will be excluded. There is not much to etiquette and politeness. Get your vegetables on the scale quickly, before some old cantankerous lady jumps in front of you, hurriedly waving her money at the non-smiling cashier. You best bet if you are paying and take too long getting your money out, there will be lots of sighs and foreign words shot your way.</p><p></p><p>Do you go for Chinese food Cedar? Here in Chinese restaurants, my experience with the waitresses has been interesting. I endeavor to try to make them smile. They come to the table and say "May I take your order?" In choppy broken up English, with Chinese intonation. If one is not familiar, it can come off as rude, but they are not being rude, it gets lost in the translation and tone, the delivery comes off as- WHAT DO YOU WANT? HURRY UP! YOU ARE WASTING MY TIME!</p><p></p><p>This is the hubs-the<em> extreme</em> Chinese waitress. He<em> never</em> has time to slow down, not driving, not cooking, not for anything. If I ask him to do something, he heaves a great sigh. Then it begins like a frenzy. He'll do it, but it is always intense working with him. He gets the job done, but has zero patience or tolerance for fumbling. It comes off as anger. He talks in short, loud, bursts and sounds so angry. "Why are you angry?" I ask. I'm not ANGRY!!!! He asserts, <em>angrily</em>.</p><p></p><p>I think that this is enough tension emanating from one person in a house.</p><p></p><p>Think of Walter Matthau in "Grumpy Old Men"-that is my hubs, only Chinese Hawaiian. Jackie Gleason, in the "Honeymooners", Fred Flintstone. He <em>can</em> turn this off, my coworkers say, "Your hubby called, he sounds so nice." (We chat about our significant others, they know the extreme Chinese waitress bit) "Are you sure that was him?" I quip back.</p><p></p><p>Yet I come home from work sometimes and he is watching "Say Yes to the Dress" a show about brides to be and their families searching for the wedding dress. Hmmmmmm. He went through a period of watching Chinese soap operas with English sub-titles. I sat through one and realized that the heroine cried at least every three minutes throughout the show.....which is interesting because he can't stand crying.</p><p></p><p>If I delved in more deeply in this subject of the hubs here, I think I would be opening up another question for the FOO chronicles; "Do we Marry our Father figures?"</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Maya Angelou wrote -"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean."</p><p></p><p>I know anger does have it's place, Maya Angelou spoke on channeling anger to write, dance, make art and fight for a worthy cause.</p><p></p><p>Thinking on this, I may be short changing myself, not allowing myself to be angry. It does have it's place.</p><p></p><p>More research is merited.</p><p></p><p>Yes, every little child deserves to know and be shown they have value.</p><p></p><p>Likewise, I had no defending from my siblings. I was the one who had to ignore the mistreatment. Yet, as I write this, I feel guilty, as if I am speaking badly of my parents. They did the best they could and I love them dearly. In this instance, they were wrong. There I said it. I think I learned to become invisible, why does the term- persona non grata keep popping up in my head?</p><p> Yes. Dad used to tell me as I showed him my report card (mostly A's and a couple of B's)</p><p>"Let's make these B's, A's."</p><p>I don't think that I realized how disappointed I was for a long time. There was no praise. Around middle school, I threw in the towel. I was done, there was no pleasing him. Or me.</p><p></p><p>That makes me feel empty now. As he was aging, ill and deep inside of himself, when I journeyed all the way home and he wouldn't talk much I had the same feeling inside. Empty. Full of love for him, but at the same time....empty.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Demanding worked for my sister. It just wasn't/isn't in my nature.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am definitely at this point not worried about being too clean. UGH, lots to do to spiff up the old abode. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/vacuumsm.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":vacuumsm:" title="vacuumsm :vacuumsm:" data-shortname=":vacuumsm:" /></p><p></p><p>It saddens me that some children will never know the joy of making mud pies, rolling around in the grass, building sand castles. Petting a cat or being licked by a dog.</p><p></p><p>Everything is anti-bacterial. Crazy.</p><p></p><p>I hope Cedar you have a lovely break. </p><p></p><p>It is always a pleasure to chat with you all, over cyber space.</p><p></p><p>Roosters are beginning their cacophonous morning symphony. Time to get going and get the boy up for school.</p><p></p><p>Have a fabulous day friends.</p><p></p><p>ROAR</p><p></p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 670167, member: 19522"] Hi Cedar, so nice to hear from you. I hope your trip was not too bad. Traveling does take a toll on our minds and bodies. You know your musings here have made me want to research more about anger. I have just found in my life, when I am angry, nothing good ever comes of it? Also, my hubs comes from a history of domestic violence. In our younger years, rage would come out when he drank. This is how I can relate to Feeling, as she wrote of her fear when the electricity went out. When my husband went through his drinking years, I would lay in bed and be consumed with worry and stress over "who" would be coming home. I would startle over the smallest noises, the refrigerator motor, thinking that was the car pulling up. Rage, anger. Levels of consciousness. My husband has improved much since then, but there is still that deep anger underneath the skin. I call him the "Extreme Chinese Waitress". No offense to Chinese people. My hubs is part Chinese. The language even sounds angry. Short choppy words that seem to have to be spoken fast, and loud, very loud. The intonations are so different, so intense. When I go in to Chinatown to shop for vegetables, I must be ready to be pushed, shoved and cut in front of. If one is not aggressive, one will be excluded. There is not much to etiquette and politeness. Get your vegetables on the scale quickly, before some old cantankerous lady jumps in front of you, hurriedly waving her money at the non-smiling cashier. You best bet if you are paying and take too long getting your money out, there will be lots of sighs and foreign words shot your way. Do you go for Chinese food Cedar? Here in Chinese restaurants, my experience with the waitresses has been interesting. I endeavor to try to make them smile. They come to the table and say "May I take your order?" In choppy broken up English, with Chinese intonation. If one is not familiar, it can come off as rude, but they are not being rude, it gets lost in the translation and tone, the delivery comes off as- WHAT DO YOU WANT? HURRY UP! YOU ARE WASTING MY TIME! This is the hubs-the[I] extreme[/I] Chinese waitress. He[I] never[/I] has time to slow down, not driving, not cooking, not for anything. If I ask him to do something, he heaves a great sigh. Then it begins like a frenzy. He'll do it, but it is always intense working with him. He gets the job done, but has zero patience or tolerance for fumbling. It comes off as anger. He talks in short, loud, bursts and sounds so angry. "Why are you angry?" I ask. I'm not ANGRY!!!! He asserts, [I]angrily[/I]. I think that this is enough tension emanating from one person in a house. Think of Walter Matthau in "Grumpy Old Men"-that is my hubs, only Chinese Hawaiian. Jackie Gleason, in the "Honeymooners", Fred Flintstone. He [I]can[/I] turn this off, my coworkers say, "Your hubby called, he sounds so nice." (We chat about our significant others, they know the extreme Chinese waitress bit) "Are you sure that was him?" I quip back. Yet I come home from work sometimes and he is watching "Say Yes to the Dress" a show about brides to be and their families searching for the wedding dress. Hmmmmmm. He went through a period of watching Chinese soap operas with English sub-titles. I sat through one and realized that the heroine cried at least every three minutes throughout the show.....which is interesting because he can't stand crying. If I delved in more deeply in this subject of the hubs here, I think I would be opening up another question for the FOO chronicles; "Do we Marry our Father figures?" Maya Angelou wrote -"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean." I know anger does have it's place, Maya Angelou spoke on channeling anger to write, dance, make art and fight for a worthy cause. Thinking on this, I may be short changing myself, not allowing myself to be angry. It does have it's place. More research is merited. Yes, every little child deserves to know and be shown they have value. Likewise, I had no defending from my siblings. I was the one who had to ignore the mistreatment. Yet, as I write this, I feel guilty, as if I am speaking badly of my parents. They did the best they could and I love them dearly. In this instance, they were wrong. There I said it. I think I learned to become invisible, why does the term- persona non grata keep popping up in my head? Yes. Dad used to tell me as I showed him my report card (mostly A's and a couple of B's) "Let's make these B's, A's." I don't think that I realized how disappointed I was for a long time. There was no praise. Around middle school, I threw in the towel. I was done, there was no pleasing him. Or me. That makes me feel empty now. As he was aging, ill and deep inside of himself, when I journeyed all the way home and he wouldn't talk much I had the same feeling inside. Empty. Full of love for him, but at the same time....empty. Demanding worked for my sister. It just wasn't/isn't in my nature. I am definitely at this point not worried about being too clean. UGH, lots to do to spiff up the old abode. :vacuumsm: It saddens me that some children will never know the joy of making mud pies, rolling around in the grass, building sand castles. Petting a cat or being licked by a dog. Everything is anti-bacterial. Crazy. I hope Cedar you have a lovely break. It is always a pleasure to chat with you all, over cyber space. Roosters are beginning their cacophonous morning symphony. Time to get going and get the boy up for school. Have a fabulous day friends. ROAR Leafy [/QUOTE]
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