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Substance Abuse
Information on Custody/Guardianship Issues?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 579933" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Barbara, I am so sorry you find yourself embroiled in all of this. First of all, many gentle and comforting hugs for you. Your daughter appears to be getting the help she needs, the rest of you are scrambling to find a new normal. It's a tough transition, but the outcome may be positive if she allows the help and gets healthy.</p><p></p><p>I've been in a similar place with my daughter and I have to agree with your husband, do not allow yourself to go down the rabbit hole with her. Keep yourself surrounded by nurturing support and use the tools of detachment. </p><p></p><p>I acquired guardianship for my granddaughter. I did it without an attorney, but certainly an attorney would be of great help to you to understand all the rules. I did a lot of research and found answers on the internet. Does your daughter's husband have any custody rights to the children? I believe custody is different then guardianship, he is their bio father, so it may be quite different and perhaps easier. It all can be done without an attorney if there is a financial issue, you can go on the website of the court in the state he is applying for custody, they have all the forms. There is likely some tutorial that will walk him through it all. I did all the paperwork and filed all the papers myself and accomplished it quickly. Is CPS involved in any of this? If so , a SW from CPS may be able to help him as well, they know the system and the courts. Once you all get on the new road, you will begin to get all the facts and the next step will show up.</p><p></p><p>I found a program which I put myself in once I realized I was going to be put back in the fray of my daughter's drama. It was a Codependency program at a huge Substance Abuse facility run by the largest HMO in the state of CA. It was a terrific decision and kept me sane in an insane environment. I knew I had to stop enabling her and I knew I would need help to stop doing it, like you said, gird your loins and get tough again. I needed LOTS of support, tools, a different way to perceive it, someone to get it and to understand how hard it was, I needed a lot. I had to shift that focus off of my daughter and onto myself. I would advise you to address all of it from that point of view. Focus on you and your husband. Don't allow your serenity and peace to be taken from you during this life transition your daughter and your grandchildren are going through. Your grandchildren's Dad is stepping up to the plate, your daughter is in a safe place, stay centered in your own life. Believe me, I completely understand how difficult that is, but otherwise, you follow them into their chaos. It's their destiny right now, you are on the sidelines and can do just so much and then I believe, you need to let go and trust that the pieces will fall where they are supposed to. Sigh. Now it's about YOU, not your daughter, not the kids, YOU and your husband. </p><p></p><p>Hang on, stay strong, keep posting, we're all here for you..................hugs..............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 579933, member: 13542"] Barbara, I am so sorry you find yourself embroiled in all of this. First of all, many gentle and comforting hugs for you. Your daughter appears to be getting the help she needs, the rest of you are scrambling to find a new normal. It's a tough transition, but the outcome may be positive if she allows the help and gets healthy. I've been in a similar place with my daughter and I have to agree with your husband, do not allow yourself to go down the rabbit hole with her. Keep yourself surrounded by nurturing support and use the tools of detachment. I acquired guardianship for my granddaughter. I did it without an attorney, but certainly an attorney would be of great help to you to understand all the rules. I did a lot of research and found answers on the internet. Does your daughter's husband have any custody rights to the children? I believe custody is different then guardianship, he is their bio father, so it may be quite different and perhaps easier. It all can be done without an attorney if there is a financial issue, you can go on the website of the court in the state he is applying for custody, they have all the forms. There is likely some tutorial that will walk him through it all. I did all the paperwork and filed all the papers myself and accomplished it quickly. Is CPS involved in any of this? If so , a SW from CPS may be able to help him as well, they know the system and the courts. Once you all get on the new road, you will begin to get all the facts and the next step will show up. I found a program which I put myself in once I realized I was going to be put back in the fray of my daughter's drama. It was a Codependency program at a huge Substance Abuse facility run by the largest HMO in the state of CA. It was a terrific decision and kept me sane in an insane environment. I knew I had to stop enabling her and I knew I would need help to stop doing it, like you said, gird your loins and get tough again. I needed LOTS of support, tools, a different way to perceive it, someone to get it and to understand how hard it was, I needed a lot. I had to shift that focus off of my daughter and onto myself. I would advise you to address all of it from that point of view. Focus on you and your husband. Don't allow your serenity and peace to be taken from you during this life transition your daughter and your grandchildren are going through. Your grandchildren's Dad is stepping up to the plate, your daughter is in a safe place, stay centered in your own life. Believe me, I completely understand how difficult that is, but otherwise, you follow them into their chaos. It's their destiny right now, you are on the sidelines and can do just so much and then I believe, you need to let go and trust that the pieces will fall where they are supposed to. Sigh. Now it's about YOU, not your daughter, not the kids, YOU and your husband. Hang on, stay strong, keep posting, we're all here for you..................hugs.............. [/QUOTE]
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