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Parent Emeritus
Instructed to repost this here, thanks.
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<blockquote data-quote="nlj" data-source="post: 620486" data-attributes="member: 17650"><p>Hi, I am a step-parent as well as a biological parent. I have big problems with my son. My husband, his step-dad, tends to just avoid the situation and doesn't get involved. Firstly I would say that being a step-parent is not easy at the best of times. It sounds as though you have been there for your step-son and have gone way over the line in doing whatever you can to help him over the years. I think that you need to put your relationship with your wife first, as that is also what is best for your daughter. I would make it clear to your step-son that there is no way that he will manipulate a break-up between you and your wife, if that is possibly what is in his mind to do. I understand that moving out with your daughter seems to be the best option, but he may see that as some strange sort of victory. I think you and your wife need to show a strong united front. I wonder how your relationship has been with him, outside of the horrendous behaviour issues. Have you had a father/son relationship and how have you dealt with discussing the issue of his absent father with him? Sometimes step-chidren can push the boundaries to the extreme as a way of testing whether the step-parent is really their true parent or is likely to disappear from their lives like the biological parent. I'm not making any excuses for his atrocious behaviour - I am just pondering some of the issues that I have read about during my own journey as a parent and step-parent. You have another 9 months to survive before he becomes an adult and your wife is no longer legally responsible for him. You and your wife need to have a strategic plan of action to survive those months and ensure that you emerge from this time still in a strong marriage. Once your step-son is 18 then you can reassess the situation as 3 adults. This site has helped me to see that and to detach from my son's behaviour as a separate adult, responsible for his own choices. I hope you and your wife find the necessary strength.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nlj, post: 620486, member: 17650"] Hi, I am a step-parent as well as a biological parent. I have big problems with my son. My husband, his step-dad, tends to just avoid the situation and doesn't get involved. Firstly I would say that being a step-parent is not easy at the best of times. It sounds as though you have been there for your step-son and have gone way over the line in doing whatever you can to help him over the years. I think that you need to put your relationship with your wife first, as that is also what is best for your daughter. I would make it clear to your step-son that there is no way that he will manipulate a break-up between you and your wife, if that is possibly what is in his mind to do. I understand that moving out with your daughter seems to be the best option, but he may see that as some strange sort of victory. I think you and your wife need to show a strong united front. I wonder how your relationship has been with him, outside of the horrendous behaviour issues. Have you had a father/son relationship and how have you dealt with discussing the issue of his absent father with him? Sometimes step-chidren can push the boundaries to the extreme as a way of testing whether the step-parent is really their true parent or is likely to disappear from their lives like the biological parent. I'm not making any excuses for his atrocious behaviour - I am just pondering some of the issues that I have read about during my own journey as a parent and step-parent. You have another 9 months to survive before he becomes an adult and your wife is no longer legally responsible for him. You and your wife need to have a strategic plan of action to survive those months and ensure that you emerge from this time still in a strong marriage. Once your step-son is 18 then you can reassess the situation as 3 adults. This site has helped me to see that and to detach from my son's behaviour as a separate adult, responsible for his own choices. I hope you and your wife find the necessary strength. [/QUOTE]
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