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Parent Emeritus
Instructed to repost this here, thanks.
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 620504" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>ONe of the most helpful things about this board, for me, was reading other stories that mirrored my own to a startling degree. For starters..the food in the room thing...is so common among our kids! My son used to leave dirty dished stuffed under the couch, or in drawers or closets...sometimes the effort to hide the dishes was clearly more than it would have been to simply take them upstairs to the kitchen. I too, thought my situation unique, my son uniquely damaged/impaired, no one else could understand...but really all our kids have so much in common. </p><p></p><p>Their only concern is their own, immediate self gratification. </p><p></p><p>They can be surprisingly manipulative...I say surprisingly because we tend to think of them as sadly incompetent, unable to deal in the world..but in the arena of maniuplating their parents, or anyone who has what they want...they are surprsiginly good.</p><p></p><p>They are also quite resourceful, and rarely end up on the streets unless, like my son, they choose that (a few others here have had kids choose that too). They sleep with groups of similar others on each others floors, cots, couches, together in tents, under bushes, in cars...wherever.</p><p></p><p>Your particularly difficult problem is your son's age.</p><p></p><p>Can you call the cops next time he is smoking pot? Won't that get him arrested and out of your house?</p><p></p><p>My son walked out when he was 17 1/2, so I didn't have to face this part. IN a lot of states at least in terms of mental health they are independent at 17 (that was true here..so I couldn't have him hospitalized, or make him take his medications, or even get his doctors to talk to me without his permission...)</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile...you have to live in jail. You must lock up your belongings and your potentially dangerous weapons. Is it possible to lock him into only a part of the house? If not, you need to lock your bedroom and your daughters bedroom. If you are really afrraid of him then maybe she should be sent to live elsewhere for a while if you aren't certain you can keep her safe...which, if he is brinning friends home (that was always my biggest fear), may be the case...</p><p></p><p>For a while we only let my son live in the foyer...it was warm there, we gave him a sleeping bag. I can't remember what he did for a bathroom, but he had to leave the house when we left and couldn't come home till we came home (yes, we changed locks). And he could sleep where it was safe and warm, but he couldn't get into the rest of the house...which let the rest of us sleep. Ugly, but better than sleeping with my eyes open afraid I would wake to find him standing at my bedside (that never happened, but who knew?)</p><p></p><p>I am sorry for the trap you are in. You need professional advice.. a lawyer to know what your rights and duties are, a therapist or gropu therapy to find others who are dealing with similar situations. And the days will pass. When he is 18 he has to leave. You, your daughter, your wife, can't be held subject to his bullying and narcissism.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting, we are here to listen, empathize, share, and voice our opinions. </p><p></p><p>Certainly if he runs away you do not need to go looking for him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 620504, member: 17269"] ONe of the most helpful things about this board, for me, was reading other stories that mirrored my own to a startling degree. For starters..the food in the room thing...is so common among our kids! My son used to leave dirty dished stuffed under the couch, or in drawers or closets...sometimes the effort to hide the dishes was clearly more than it would have been to simply take them upstairs to the kitchen. I too, thought my situation unique, my son uniquely damaged/impaired, no one else could understand...but really all our kids have so much in common. Their only concern is their own, immediate self gratification. They can be surprisingly manipulative...I say surprisingly because we tend to think of them as sadly incompetent, unable to deal in the world..but in the arena of maniuplating their parents, or anyone who has what they want...they are surprsiginly good. They are also quite resourceful, and rarely end up on the streets unless, like my son, they choose that (a few others here have had kids choose that too). They sleep with groups of similar others on each others floors, cots, couches, together in tents, under bushes, in cars...wherever. Your particularly difficult problem is your son's age. Can you call the cops next time he is smoking pot? Won't that get him arrested and out of your house? My son walked out when he was 17 1/2, so I didn't have to face this part. IN a lot of states at least in terms of mental health they are independent at 17 (that was true here..so I couldn't have him hospitalized, or make him take his medications, or even get his doctors to talk to me without his permission...) Meanwhile...you have to live in jail. You must lock up your belongings and your potentially dangerous weapons. Is it possible to lock him into only a part of the house? If not, you need to lock your bedroom and your daughters bedroom. If you are really afrraid of him then maybe she should be sent to live elsewhere for a while if you aren't certain you can keep her safe...which, if he is brinning friends home (that was always my biggest fear), may be the case... For a while we only let my son live in the foyer...it was warm there, we gave him a sleeping bag. I can't remember what he did for a bathroom, but he had to leave the house when we left and couldn't come home till we came home (yes, we changed locks). And he could sleep where it was safe and warm, but he couldn't get into the rest of the house...which let the rest of us sleep. Ugly, but better than sleeping with my eyes open afraid I would wake to find him standing at my bedside (that never happened, but who knew?) I am sorry for the trap you are in. You need professional advice.. a lawyer to know what your rights and duties are, a therapist or gropu therapy to find others who are dealing with similar situations. And the days will pass. When he is 18 he has to leave. You, your daughter, your wife, can't be held subject to his bullying and narcissism. Keep posting, we are here to listen, empathize, share, and voice our opinions. Certainly if he runs away you do not need to go looking for him. [/QUOTE]
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