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Parent Emeritus
Instructed to repost this here, thanks.
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<blockquote data-quote="stepparentincrisis" data-source="post: 620581" data-attributes="member: 17702"><p>Hello, I wanted to check in as things seem to be happening quickly at this stage. I presented these posts to my wife and in principal, she agrees what we need to regarding detachment. A HUGE issue that I see is it affects her on a deeper emotional level as his biological parent. I don't want to say I find it easier, but I find it as the only viable solution. He has tonight (Tuesday) thru Thursday night in the prepaid efficiency. Daily he has come to the house when I am at work (my wife works from home) and asked for a ride to the mall, a ride to school, a ride to go look for a job. He does not follow through of course, but when my wife tries to talk to him he seeks out the loopholes and will pressure her into a decision. She ended up driving him somewhere, to the mall I believe, and he asked her for money for cigarettes. She said no (he is 17) and he said well I won't go get my GED if I don't have cigarettes. she simply said ok. She let him know that his Medicaid had been restored and we are exploring treatment options for him, and he said he wasn't getting treatment, he wanted his disability money since we kicked him out. I think I see a mistake with her dealings with him, but she tries to explain things to him and he just pounces on her weakness and rips her apart. He opened up by screaming at her, she pulled the car over and told him to get out. He refused and she actually got out and walked home (she was a mile away). I returned from work an hour later and drove her back to get it, he was in the yard telling her he needed to use the bathroom and wanted to come in, we refused and drove off to get her car. I am so happy I changed the locks. If I had not called to cops on him 2 days ago, he would have broken in or thrown a brick through our window. I know he would have. So in my time today, I drafted and sent an email to the 2 appropriate agencies summarizing he has been back for 3 weeks, he is not enrolled in school, he is not working, he is addicicted to drugs and I am worried about his and my families safety. If he is buying and using drugs, I cannot have drug dealers near my house and I have an 8 year old daughter. I expressed we had an immediate need for assistance and told them he was in an efficiency apart with food. So i reached out to two agencies funded by the state and asked for help. I talked to my wife tonight and said it all has to stop, the rides, the getting him a new phone (he lost his 3rd phone in 2 weeks... right), the bringing him to school (it is a mile away) and all of it. I don't know how else to force anyone's hand here but I think time is essential. I suggested to my wife to make this like a Band Aid and let's talk to him and tell him what we have decided to do rather that her slowly trying to have him discover it. I think this board just gave me more clarity than she has, but I told her if she can't, I understand and would move out until she can handle his decisions or be nearby until he is 18. I just am not going to let him dictate how I feel anymore. So we keep waiting for a knock on the door, expecting the police to say he was doing something illegal, bring him back here when he says this is where he lives, and explain away to an officer what is occuring. I did print out the emails I sent today so I can let them know I notified the appropriate parties and we have him with shelter and food. My wife is going to call the drug hotline tomorrow and return a call to a facility that had him set up with a case worker a few years ago. I will update any news as we get it, thank you all again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="stepparentincrisis, post: 620581, member: 17702"] Hello, I wanted to check in as things seem to be happening quickly at this stage. I presented these posts to my wife and in principal, she agrees what we need to regarding detachment. A HUGE issue that I see is it affects her on a deeper emotional level as his biological parent. I don't want to say I find it easier, but I find it as the only viable solution. He has tonight (Tuesday) thru Thursday night in the prepaid efficiency. Daily he has come to the house when I am at work (my wife works from home) and asked for a ride to the mall, a ride to school, a ride to go look for a job. He does not follow through of course, but when my wife tries to talk to him he seeks out the loopholes and will pressure her into a decision. She ended up driving him somewhere, to the mall I believe, and he asked her for money for cigarettes. She said no (he is 17) and he said well I won't go get my GED if I don't have cigarettes. she simply said ok. She let him know that his Medicaid had been restored and we are exploring treatment options for him, and he said he wasn't getting treatment, he wanted his disability money since we kicked him out. I think I see a mistake with her dealings with him, but she tries to explain things to him and he just pounces on her weakness and rips her apart. He opened up by screaming at her, she pulled the car over and told him to get out. He refused and she actually got out and walked home (she was a mile away). I returned from work an hour later and drove her back to get it, he was in the yard telling her he needed to use the bathroom and wanted to come in, we refused and drove off to get her car. I am so happy I changed the locks. If I had not called to cops on him 2 days ago, he would have broken in or thrown a brick through our window. I know he would have. So in my time today, I drafted and sent an email to the 2 appropriate agencies summarizing he has been back for 3 weeks, he is not enrolled in school, he is not working, he is addicicted to drugs and I am worried about his and my families safety. If he is buying and using drugs, I cannot have drug dealers near my house and I have an 8 year old daughter. I expressed we had an immediate need for assistance and told them he was in an efficiency apart with food. So i reached out to two agencies funded by the state and asked for help. I talked to my wife tonight and said it all has to stop, the rides, the getting him a new phone (he lost his 3rd phone in 2 weeks... right), the bringing him to school (it is a mile away) and all of it. I don't know how else to force anyone's hand here but I think time is essential. I suggested to my wife to make this like a Band Aid and let's talk to him and tell him what we have decided to do rather that her slowly trying to have him discover it. I think this board just gave me more clarity than she has, but I told her if she can't, I understand and would move out until she can handle his decisions or be nearby until he is 18. I just am not going to let him dictate how I feel anymore. So we keep waiting for a knock on the door, expecting the police to say he was doing something illegal, bring him back here when he says this is where he lives, and explain away to an officer what is occuring. I did print out the emails I sent today so I can let them know I notified the appropriate parties and we have him with shelter and food. My wife is going to call the drug hotline tomorrow and return a call to a facility that had him set up with a case worker a few years ago. I will update any news as we get it, thank you all again. [/QUOTE]
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Instructed to repost this here, thanks.
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