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Parent Emeritus
Instructed to repost this here, thanks.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 620587" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>That is what difficult child kids do. Manipulate us because we love them. I don't know that this is true, but I think it is more difficult for the mother to acknowledge what has happened to her child, and to react appropriately to it. My kids are 38 and 39. I still see them as the babies I nursed, as the toddlers I taught and cherished and dreamed for and about. My husband is tougher minded. I find that most men here are able to see the truth about what is happening to the kids before we moms can allow ourselves to admit that every help we give them becomes a weapon they use against us. Part of it is that the things they want seem so pointless. It doesn't make sense to us.</p><p></p><p>What I have learned is that it is never going to make sense to me. So, I have had to decide, coldly, to survive. For something like twenty five years, I have been living my life in this dark, confusing place where I am in pain over things I cannot control. I have lived depressed, afraid, outraged, ashamed. My husband and I are retired. There could never be enough money to fix what has happened. And no matter how much money we have given, no matter how much time, how many treatments, nothing has worked.</p><p></p><p>So, I am learning detachment. I am recovering my own mental and emotional equilibrium. My kids are still doing the strangest, things. They make the weirdest choices. They manipulate my husband one way and me, another. The only thing that doesn't change is that they get what they want to the tune of months and months of time and thousands and thousands of dollars.</p><p></p><p>It would be one thing to make these kinds of sacrifices for the sakes of our kids if it helped. </p><p></p><p>Nothing helps.</p><p></p><p>The money is gone.</p><p></p><p>My husband and I are in our sixties.</p><p></p><p>The time is gone.</p><p></p><p>It's still happening.</p><p></p><p>Please do ask your wife to begin reading here. It is so important that you both be on the same page. You will need to support one another through what is coming.</p><p></p><p>We can share our stories, our successes and our losses with you. There is comfort and strength in knowing you are not alone.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 620587, member: 17461"] That is what difficult child kids do. Manipulate us because we love them. I don't know that this is true, but I think it is more difficult for the mother to acknowledge what has happened to her child, and to react appropriately to it. My kids are 38 and 39. I still see them as the babies I nursed, as the toddlers I taught and cherished and dreamed for and about. My husband is tougher minded. I find that most men here are able to see the truth about what is happening to the kids before we moms can allow ourselves to admit that every help we give them becomes a weapon they use against us. Part of it is that the things they want seem so pointless. It doesn't make sense to us. What I have learned is that it is never going to make sense to me. So, I have had to decide, coldly, to survive. For something like twenty five years, I have been living my life in this dark, confusing place where I am in pain over things I cannot control. I have lived depressed, afraid, outraged, ashamed. My husband and I are retired. There could never be enough money to fix what has happened. And no matter how much money we have given, no matter how much time, how many treatments, nothing has worked. So, I am learning detachment. I am recovering my own mental and emotional equilibrium. My kids are still doing the strangest, things. They make the weirdest choices. They manipulate my husband one way and me, another. The only thing that doesn't change is that they get what they want to the tune of months and months of time and thousands and thousands of dollars. It would be one thing to make these kinds of sacrifices for the sakes of our kids if it helped. Nothing helps. The money is gone. My husband and I are in our sixties. The time is gone. It's still happening. Please do ask your wife to begin reading here. It is so important that you both be on the same page. You will need to support one another through what is coming. We can share our stories, our successes and our losses with you. There is comfort and strength in knowing you are not alone. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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