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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 610270" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>OK, I have not read all the responses, because I got caught by one word and it blocked out all the others.</p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial black'"><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: #ff0000">CONTROL</span></span></span></p><p></p><p>Yes, that is what it is! As long as I keep digging things up, keep trying to make my world exactly how it "needs" to be for my "peace of mind"... I have no peace of mind. I let go of Belle - I do look up her court stuff, so I know what's up, but I don't do that every day - I stopped looking at Pat's grades every day... I let it GO. And... I'm much better.</p><p></p><p>I did get a bit keyed up last weekend, during Rose's birthday party. I wanted it to be PERFECT for her. But you know what? All she cares is that all these people she loves were there. We all paid attention to her. We let her eat pizza in the living room. She doesn't care that half the people didn't show, or that we didn't decorate the neighborhood, or that the cake was homemade and the ice cream generic and I bought her gifts at the Goodwill outlet for less than $5. She cares that Mommy and Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa and cousins and uncle and aunts were there. And we let her rip paper. And sit on laps.</p><p></p><p>And that is the most important part of the whole PTSD cycle... LEARNING how to let go of control. At least some.</p><p></p><p>When Belle gets out, I'm going to be a mess. But maybe if I can keep this part in perspective, maybe I'll only be a warm mess instead of a hot one.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 610270, member: 6705"] OK, I have not read all the responses, because I got caught by one word and it blocked out all the others. [FONT=arial black][SIZE=6][COLOR=#ff0000]CONTROL[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] Yes, that is what it is! As long as I keep digging things up, keep trying to make my world exactly how it "needs" to be for my "peace of mind"... I have no peace of mind. I let go of Belle - I do look up her court stuff, so I know what's up, but I don't do that every day - I stopped looking at Pat's grades every day... I let it GO. And... I'm much better. I did get a bit keyed up last weekend, during Rose's birthday party. I wanted it to be PERFECT for her. But you know what? All she cares is that all these people she loves were there. We all paid attention to her. We let her eat pizza in the living room. She doesn't care that half the people didn't show, or that we didn't decorate the neighborhood, or that the cake was homemade and the ice cream generic and I bought her gifts at the Goodwill outlet for less than $5. She cares that Mommy and Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa and cousins and uncle and aunts were there. And we let her rip paper. And sit on laps. And that is the most important part of the whole PTSD cycle... LEARNING how to let go of control. At least some. When Belle gets out, I'm going to be a mess. But maybe if I can keep this part in perspective, maybe I'll only be a warm mess instead of a hot one. [/QUOTE]
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