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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 610351" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Nicely summarized Cedar! It helps doesn't it, to commit all of this to writing, it helps to integrate it.</p><p></p><p>As I was reading your post, it ran across my mind what therapy generally accomplishes, at least it has for me...........and that is to integrate all of the components of our personalities into a whole, healthy, functioning, balanced personality. All of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. There was a term in a form of therapy I had called the "adaptive" child, the child who cannot be herself because of fear...........and what that child becomes if she can heal from that fear, is the "free" child, the "magical" child who is available for life with a <em>sense of awe and wonder. </em> I heard about this when I was 23 and becoming that "free" child became my goal. I am in touch with that part of me now, <em>grateful as all get out for her too............</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>On another thread there is a discussion about parent abuse. I imagine it is still closeted because parents just don't want to believe it is happening, even if their lives are in danger. I recall as a young person a therapist telling me that I had been abused..........I argued with her! It took me awhile to take that truth in, denial is a terrific method of keeping the truth away. With our parental tendencies to protect our kids, admitting that they are abusers and that they <u><em>abuse us</em></u>, is a tough one. To me, now, all of these 'truths' have the capacity to liberate me from that denial.............and in seeing the truth, I am able to step back, take a different stance altogether, have compassion for all of us and ultimately, let go. I do believe that adage "the truth will set you free." And sometimes seeing that truth is the hardest thing we have to do. In particular, where our children are concerned.</p><p></p><p>So, for me Cedar, the truth is that my parents were abusers and my daughter is an abuser. I am sandwiched in between abuse..........in almost all ways, I am the only one in my family who has survived mental illness. Certainly my personality had been broken but amazingly, we humans have great capacity for healing.</p><p></p><p>The central theme in my life has been to "let go" and doing that with my daughter has trumped everything else. The odd piece is that in doing that, I also unearthed stuff which needed to see the light of day and as it's been integrating, which it still is, it's putting the pieces of my life back in a healthy and much more harmonious self forgiving and compassionate way. </p><p></p><p>I liked what you said about "thawing out." I have whole days of "thawing out" and it can be daunting at times, and yet I can see that it's a necessary part of letting go.............it sounds as if you are experiencing that too, is that right? I am breaking out! I just had a funny image of you and I in prison garb, digging our way out.........leaving the self imposed sentence behind........leaving those ugly orange suits.........the cages.........the solitary confinement...........for freedom............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 610351, member: 13542"] Nicely summarized Cedar! It helps doesn't it, to commit all of this to writing, it helps to integrate it. As I was reading your post, it ran across my mind what therapy generally accomplishes, at least it has for me...........and that is to integrate all of the components of our personalities into a whole, healthy, functioning, balanced personality. All of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. There was a term in a form of therapy I had called the "adaptive" child, the child who cannot be herself because of fear...........and what that child becomes if she can heal from that fear, is the "free" child, the "magical" child who is available for life with a [I]sense of awe and wonder. [/I] I heard about this when I was 23 and becoming that "free" child became my goal. I am in touch with that part of me now, [I]grateful as all get out for her too............ [/I] On another thread there is a discussion about parent abuse. I imagine it is still closeted because parents just don't want to believe it is happening, even if their lives are in danger. I recall as a young person a therapist telling me that I had been abused..........I argued with her! It took me awhile to take that truth in, denial is a terrific method of keeping the truth away. With our parental tendencies to protect our kids, admitting that they are abusers and that they [U][I]abuse us[/I][/U], is a tough one. To me, now, all of these 'truths' have the capacity to liberate me from that denial.............and in seeing the truth, I am able to step back, take a different stance altogether, have compassion for all of us and ultimately, let go. I do believe that adage "the truth will set you free." And sometimes seeing that truth is the hardest thing we have to do. In particular, where our children are concerned. So, for me Cedar, the truth is that my parents were abusers and my daughter is an abuser. I am sandwiched in between abuse..........in almost all ways, I am the only one in my family who has survived mental illness. Certainly my personality had been broken but amazingly, we humans have great capacity for healing. The central theme in my life has been to "let go" and doing that with my daughter has trumped everything else. The odd piece is that in doing that, I also unearthed stuff which needed to see the light of day and as it's been integrating, which it still is, it's putting the pieces of my life back in a healthy and much more harmonious self forgiving and compassionate way. I liked what you said about "thawing out." I have whole days of "thawing out" and it can be daunting at times, and yet I can see that it's a necessary part of letting go.............it sounds as if you are experiencing that too, is that right? I am breaking out! I just had a funny image of you and I in prison garb, digging our way out.........leaving the self imposed sentence behind........leaving those ugly orange suits.........the cages.........the solitary confinement...........for freedom............ [/QUOTE]
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