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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 610408" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Cedar, I remarked to my SO at dinner last evening that it was a rare gift to find another woman, in my age bracket, who is the oldest of a highly dysfunctional family with mental illnesses, who has a daughter who is a difficult child around my daughter's age.........and who writes. What are the actual odds of that? </p><p></p><p>Well, it got even freakier now that you've shared the story you wrote. (<em>and a wonderful story it is Cedar!)</em> And, it goes hand in hand with all of my "cosmic" theories of the connections we all have here on planet earth and how we find each other when we need each other............</p><p></p><p>I had a dream on my 40th birthday during a nap I took after I had a massage with a woman who, during the massage told me that she "picked up" a strong "vibe" that I had this job I had to do and it had to do with "healing my family ---going back generations." She went on to offer sincere and very compassionate statements about "what a very difficult job it was" and how the "weight of it" impacted me physically. (I use to have terrible back pain, which is completely gone now) . It shook me up since I had this strong yet vague sense of that since I was a child. So, I get home, fall asleep and dream that I am in my grandmothers home and I find a room that has <u>never</u> been opened. I get in and in a closet in the hidden room there are many dresses, all red (like the one you chose for your granddaughter which she rejected........) from infant size to adult women size. I immediately have the knowledge (as we do in dreams!) that the hidden feature of the closet and the color red are indicative of terrible things that happened to the females on both sides of my family going back generations. I am horrified. I flee to the next room where my grandmother and various aunts are milling about along with my daughter who is about 9 in the dream. I put my daughter on a table and shine a light on her with the intention of clearing her of the past darkness that has settled on my family. I am most intent on that job, I feel almost desperate in the attempt to keep her safe from this family "curse." There is more to it, but that is the essence.</p><p></p><p>From that point forward, that is how I viewed all of it. That is how I told my story to therapists. A karmic job. A destiny. Fate. But, however you look at it, it ends with me. It would seem that I couldn't save my own child..............(I have no idea at this point.............there is always that flicker of hope) but my granddaughter is the end of this genetic line and...............and I say this with a sense of gratitude that is <em>profound.</em>........<em><u>.she is okay</u>.</em> She has compassion and a spark of humanity presently missing in my own child........</p><p></p><p>All in all..............mission accomplished. Not perfect, not what I would have liked, but accomplished. I am done with all of this healing, as I mentioned to you in another post, I am detached from my <em>entire</em> family now...........in the negative, enabling sense. <em>It is over.</em></p><p></p><p>You have been an integral part of this journey Cedar.............something quite unique and special in so many similarities and I am sincerely so grateful for your presence here, your wisdom, your deep compassion and willingness to be so open hearted and available to me and to all of us here.</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p><p></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff">"They fall prey to the curse that rides the genetic line, and spend their time here trapped in a Hell of their own creation." </span><span style="color: #000000">Our daughters.</span><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff">"the sense of shame she feels is a key to unlock the mystery she was born to solve." </span><span style="color: #000000">You and me. <em>(and Brene Brown!)</em></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><em></em></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><em></em></span><span style="color: #0000ff">"We are the beloved children of the most-high God.</span><span style="color: #000000">" </span><span style="color: #000000">Yes, we are.</span><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 610408, member: 13542"] Cedar, I remarked to my SO at dinner last evening that it was a rare gift to find another woman, in my age bracket, who is the oldest of a highly dysfunctional family with mental illnesses, who has a daughter who is a difficult child around my daughter's age.........and who writes. What are the actual odds of that? Well, it got even freakier now that you've shared the story you wrote. ([I]and a wonderful story it is Cedar!)[/I] And, it goes hand in hand with all of my "cosmic" theories of the connections we all have here on planet earth and how we find each other when we need each other............ I had a dream on my 40th birthday during a nap I took after I had a massage with a woman who, during the massage told me that she "picked up" a strong "vibe" that I had this job I had to do and it had to do with "healing my family ---going back generations." She went on to offer sincere and very compassionate statements about "what a very difficult job it was" and how the "weight of it" impacted me physically. (I use to have terrible back pain, which is completely gone now) . It shook me up since I had this strong yet vague sense of that since I was a child. So, I get home, fall asleep and dream that I am in my grandmothers home and I find a room that has [U]never[/U] been opened. I get in and in a closet in the hidden room there are many dresses, all red (like the one you chose for your granddaughter which she rejected........) from infant size to adult women size. I immediately have the knowledge (as we do in dreams!) that the hidden feature of the closet and the color red are indicative of terrible things that happened to the females on both sides of my family going back generations. I am horrified. I flee to the next room where my grandmother and various aunts are milling about along with my daughter who is about 9 in the dream. I put my daughter on a table and shine a light on her with the intention of clearing her of the past darkness that has settled on my family. I am most intent on that job, I feel almost desperate in the attempt to keep her safe from this family "curse." There is more to it, but that is the essence. From that point forward, that is how I viewed all of it. That is how I told my story to therapists. A karmic job. A destiny. Fate. But, however you look at it, it ends with me. It would seem that I couldn't save my own child..............(I have no idea at this point.............there is always that flicker of hope) but my granddaughter is the end of this genetic line and...............and I say this with a sense of gratitude that is [I]profound.[/I]........[I][U].she is okay[/U].[/I] She has compassion and a spark of humanity presently missing in my own child........ All in all..............mission accomplished. Not perfect, not what I would have liked, but accomplished. I am done with all of this healing, as I mentioned to you in another post, I am detached from my [I]entire[/I] family now...........in the negative, enabling sense. [I]It is over.[/I] You have been an integral part of this journey Cedar.............something quite unique and special in so many similarities and I am sincerely so grateful for your presence here, your wisdom, your deep compassion and willingness to be so open hearted and available to me and to all of us here. Thank you. [COLOR=#0000ff]"They fall prey to the curse that rides the genetic line, and spend their time here trapped in a Hell of their own creation." [/COLOR][COLOR=#000000]Our daughters.[/COLOR][COLOR=#0000ff] "the sense of shame she feels is a key to unlock the mystery she was born to solve." [/COLOR][COLOR=#000000]You and me. [I](and Brene Brown!) [/I][/COLOR][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][COLOR=#0000ff]"We are the beloved children of the most-high God.[/COLOR][COLOR=#000000]" [/COLOR][COLOR=#000000]Yes, we are.[/COLOR][COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR][COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR][COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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