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Intro and a cry for help
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<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 120115" data-attributes="member: 805"><p>Carrie,</p><p> </p><p>I'm going to be brutally honest with you. I hope that is what you wanted. If you just needed to rant and vent with those of us that understand, please forgive me.</p><p> </p><p>Before I got to the end of your post my head was spinning with all the rules you have given your daughter, and I'm not 10. The fact that you put all this in place and she still did not bring her homework in the first and second day indicates a lot. It indicates that she may not be capable, at this point, of meeting the stringent guidelines you have set forth for her. For some kids, it's not enough that the teacher signs off that she wrote down her homework assignment, some kids need to be reminded what to bring home. My son was one of those. Fortunately, we had a really understanding teacher in 3rd grade that would take the time make sure he had all he needed to complete his assignments. </p><p> </p><p>We also began using a "five star" for school. Each subject had a divider with a pocket folder, spiral notebook and looseleaf paper in their respective sections. Every single piece of paper he got during the day was to be placed in that binder. That way, there was never a question that I did'nt see his classwork or he didn't have papers to review for a test. Additionally, his 504 called for him to have an extra set of textbooks at home (before he qualified for an IEP). He was to bring that binder home every single day. It took a couple weeks, but eventually it became a habit (which takes about three weeks for the average person, difficult child or not). Now he's in 6th grade and we still utilize this system. Some of his teachers want seperate notebooks and we accomplish this by having two backpacks. One for his even day classes and one for his odd day classes. He does not use his locker. Everything he needs stays in that backpack throughout the day and it comes home with him.</p><p> </p><p>I truly believe that you need to define the why before you define the "what ifs" with your daughter. Why is she loosing ground academically? Is she experiencing some frustration that could be an Learning Disability (LD) in disguise? Why is she fighting homework so much? Why do you say she thinks homework is beneath her? How is she doing socially at school? Does she have any new friends lately?</p><p> </p><p>I think it's wonderful the teacher is willing to work with you. But I think you have set forth so many rules and restrictions, and punishments, that she must be totally overwhelmed. I know I would be. Can she even see the light at the end of the tunnel? What about small daily rewards for making efforts or not complaining.</p><p> </p><p>There have been many parents on this board who have chosen not to fight the homework battle. They have spoken with the school about the priority of having a calm home vs a battle every night to do homework. I, for one, believe homework is important but I don't have a child that battles me. I may feel totally different if I were having to arm myself nightly.</p><p> </p><p>Bottom line for me on this - find the source of the problem before attempting to punish for the problem. If you feel 100&#37; certain that she is in total and full control in this siutation, then my point is mute. But I feel there is more to this situation than simple defiance or forgettfullness (although disorganization is a huge adhd component).</p><p> </p><p>Carrie, these are just my thoughts and observations and are in no way meant to be judgemental. I am just giving you another perspective. Wishing you luck with your full plate <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/erm.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":erm:" title="erm :erm:" data-shortname=":erm:" />. Glad you found your way here.</p><p> </p><p>Sharon</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 120115, member: 805"] Carrie, I'm going to be brutally honest with you. I hope that is what you wanted. If you just needed to rant and vent with those of us that understand, please forgive me. Before I got to the end of your post my head was spinning with all the rules you have given your daughter, and I'm not 10. The fact that you put all this in place and she still did not bring her homework in the first and second day indicates a lot. It indicates that she may not be capable, at this point, of meeting the stringent guidelines you have set forth for her. For some kids, it's not enough that the teacher signs off that she wrote down her homework assignment, some kids need to be reminded what to bring home. My son was one of those. Fortunately, we had a really understanding teacher in 3rd grade that would take the time make sure he had all he needed to complete his assignments. We also began using a "five star" for school. Each subject had a divider with a pocket folder, spiral notebook and looseleaf paper in their respective sections. Every single piece of paper he got during the day was to be placed in that binder. That way, there was never a question that I did'nt see his classwork or he didn't have papers to review for a test. Additionally, his 504 called for him to have an extra set of textbooks at home (before he qualified for an IEP). He was to bring that binder home every single day. It took a couple weeks, but eventually it became a habit (which takes about three weeks for the average person, difficult child or not). Now he's in 6th grade and we still utilize this system. Some of his teachers want seperate notebooks and we accomplish this by having two backpacks. One for his even day classes and one for his odd day classes. He does not use his locker. Everything he needs stays in that backpack throughout the day and it comes home with him. I truly believe that you need to define the why before you define the "what ifs" with your daughter. Why is she loosing ground academically? Is she experiencing some frustration that could be an Learning Disability (LD) in disguise? Why is she fighting homework so much? Why do you say she thinks homework is beneath her? How is she doing socially at school? Does she have any new friends lately? I think it's wonderful the teacher is willing to work with you. But I think you have set forth so many rules and restrictions, and punishments, that she must be totally overwhelmed. I know I would be. Can she even see the light at the end of the tunnel? What about small daily rewards for making efforts or not complaining. There have been many parents on this board who have chosen not to fight the homework battle. They have spoken with the school about the priority of having a calm home vs a battle every night to do homework. I, for one, believe homework is important but I don't have a child that battles me. I may feel totally different if I were having to arm myself nightly. Bottom line for me on this - find the source of the problem before attempting to punish for the problem. If you feel 100% certain that she is in total and full control in this siutation, then my point is mute. But I feel there is more to this situation than simple defiance or forgettfullness (although disorganization is a huge adhd component). Carrie, these are just my thoughts and observations and are in no way meant to be judgemental. I am just giving you another perspective. Wishing you luck with your full plate :erm:. Glad you found your way here. Sharon [/QUOTE]
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