I'm sorry you need us, but glad you found us.
We also have a family of autistics. As we often say, "autism doesn't just run in our family, it gallops!" However, none are as difficult as your stepson. He needs a lot of help and may need a therapeutic placement for his sake and yours.
What to do? A starting point is to try to get into his head, see if you can find what upsets hi, what calms him down, what he enjoys, what he hates. Make lists, keep notes. Keep a diary on him and see if you can identify any links. Do the same for the other kids if you have concerns about them too. Every kid is different, even in the same family.
With your stepson, the lying, stealing and manipulation really concern me - that doesn't sound like autism to me. it still could fit, but there's something else going on that needs to be identified. The drug problems prenatally don't help, but on their own do not cause this as a facet of autism. Something else is going on. Where the drugs could have caused problems - the cerebral irritability, the hyperactivity, the general delays in social development and executive function. But it still may not be the drugs. Sometimes we get caught up looking for something to blame, when the answers won't help us fix anything. Sometimes we just have to deal with what IS.
When you can, do a sig for yourself so we can keep track of it all. How old is your stepson? That can also be relevant.
We have actually used Maths to keep difficult child 3 calmed down when he was beginning to get upset or anxious.
Welcome.
Marg
