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This sounds like a very difficult situation and I am so sorry for you and your family. I have had the same guilty feeling of wishing someone else could have my kid. I know that it's not an answer and just a strong feeling I get when I seem overwhelmed and I don't have the answers to help him. It's the feeling of loving him because he is my son, but I don't like him, Which I feel terrible even admitting  I think the feelings can be normal and I hope you are able to find some answers here.