I so sympathize with you and understand. My son was only 18 when he was flagrantly disobeying all of our very simple rules (nothing you would not expect from anyone you live with). We told him he had two weeks to start obeying our rules or he would have to leave. He then threatened me.... at which point I left the room, cried my eyes out and went and talked to the police. They agreed to just come at noon and tell him he had to leave. I knew if I called 911 he would disappear, and then come back later, and I wanted him here when they came. So they came, told him he had to leave, waited while he picked up some stuff and they dropped him off in the center of town. They put him in his place when he started to give me lip. It was absolutely awful but needed to be done. I think one thing that helped me do it was we had a 15 year old daughter and I couldnt let it go on for her sake. That was 4.5 years ago. Since then he came back once for a few weeks until we told him he had to leave again.... he has been in many treatments places and has been homeless for 4 months in the middle of winter. He was across the country in Denver at that time and I did get him a sleeping bag and boots... and he survived. Ihave no idea how and there is lots he has not told me.
Through all of this we have maintained contact..... although at times not much contact.
And now he has been in a long term treatment place ordered by the court for 5 months. He is doing much better and I am now sleeping better at night. Thankfully this time the treatment is local and so we do see him once a week which I think helps all of us.
It is very hard. I highly recommend a good parents support group of some kind. We found a good parents alanon group that has been hugely helpful to me. It was important for me to focus on taking care of myself and the rest of my family... and to get to the point where I was not going to let what was going on with him ruin my life.
TL
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