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Intro and my 6 yr old that is making our lives difficult
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<blockquote data-quote="dreamwallaby" data-source="post: 412240" data-attributes="member: 11338"><p>Marguerite,</p><p>Thank you for the info. I feel like I am in a cycle with him now. I just expect a negative response at all times so, as my fiance' had pointed out, I demand instead of ask. I just assume he will say no, so I have stopped with the "please". Something I now have to work on with myself. I will give the example of last night's battle as an idea of how things go. Cayleb was playing his game and I gave the younger two their baths. Prior to heading for the bathroom I let cayleb know he had homework to do and would be allowed to play for about another 20min. I told him "this is your heads up, ok" Gave baths and while dressing the 2 yr old I called out to Cayleb that he needed to finish the game and be ready for homework, all very nice and calm and I am using "please". I waited until I heard the cheering from the game signaling the end of the round and again reminded him "Ok Cayleb, I hear you won that round, it's time to turn it off and get ready for homework. Of course he says No. I said You have the option of turning it off before I get out there or I will have to turn it off and take the game. The choice is yours. He replied with No again. I finished with the younger one about 5 min later and went into the living room. Told Cayleb it was his last chance to turn it off and he said No again, so I turned it off and removed the CD. He of course freaked and started to cry. (I want to point out that he actually only plays video games about 3x a week, his choice, he really isn't that interested in gaming and would much rather run around to play) He tried climbing on me to get the CD and of course my younger one is watching all this and starting to cry and trying to pull Cayleb off of me. Cayleb's toe is accidently stepped on by me trying to turn away from him and starts to cry more and then yells that I am stupid and the "F" word and charges down to his room yelling at me the whole way and causing destruction. He takes his room apart, pushes a large laundry hamper across the floor scraping the hardwood, gets a pen and writes all over his matress, bed, floor and school folders. He finally seems to recover after about an hr and comes out to do his homework. He gives me hugs, tells me he loves me, gets me an icepack for my migraine(gee I wonder why I get them so often) and is being all lovey. While he had been ripping his room apart I let him know, very calmly that I would not be putting his room back together, it would be his job. At bedtime there is another complete melt down that causes me to start screaming at him because he wants me to help him put his room back to order and I refuse to help because he made the mess and I had warned him. I finally help with the bed sheets but that's it. I go to my bathroom. When I exit he is on my bed begging to sleep in my bed. I tell him no, the baby sleeps in my room and still gets up several times during the night and he needs a good night sleep. I also have no sheets on my bed since they are still in the wash and I point this out to him, but he refuses to leave my room. I lost it at that point <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> and turned into the horrible mom these situations turn me into and scream for him to get out. He then cries that I have hurt his ears and I am a mean person, leaves and goes to bed. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> I spend the next 2 hrs crying, because of course I feel like a mean person <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> The book I am reading, the Explosive Child, says I should know what will set him off. tha's where I am stuck. I don't always know. He says no ALOT but it doesn't always cause a tantrum. Somedays he is fine about turning off the game but freaks on homework or about bedtime or taking a shower. t's almost like he rotates what will be the issue today. He does go out of his way to make things difficult. A few days ago I was putting toys away before bedtime. he tried to bring a box of cars out for his brother. I told him no, I was cleaning up and to put them back. He puts them back and walks out to where I am straightening up and says "You're cleaning up?" I said yes He says, "Oh, you are trying to clean up huh?" I said yes again. Then he takes an armful of his own toys and throws him all over the floor and says very spitefully" Well here you go, you can clean up that then. " and walks away. This was after a wonderful, very uneventful evening. There was nothing to precipitate him getting mad and he was perfectly calm afterwards, just happy to have given me more to do. I have asked him nicely not to mess with the dial on the fridge and explained why. He sneaked in last night and turned the temp all the way down and froze the milk. He sneaks behind us constantly to do those kinds of things.</p><p>I could go on for hrs, sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dreamwallaby, post: 412240, member: 11338"] Marguerite, Thank you for the info. I feel like I am in a cycle with him now. I just expect a negative response at all times so, as my fiance' had pointed out, I demand instead of ask. I just assume he will say no, so I have stopped with the "please". Something I now have to work on with myself. I will give the example of last night's battle as an idea of how things go. Cayleb was playing his game and I gave the younger two their baths. Prior to heading for the bathroom I let cayleb know he had homework to do and would be allowed to play for about another 20min. I told him "this is your heads up, ok" Gave baths and while dressing the 2 yr old I called out to Cayleb that he needed to finish the game and be ready for homework, all very nice and calm and I am using "please". I waited until I heard the cheering from the game signaling the end of the round and again reminded him "Ok Cayleb, I hear you won that round, it's time to turn it off and get ready for homework. Of course he says No. I said You have the option of turning it off before I get out there or I will have to turn it off and take the game. The choice is yours. He replied with No again. I finished with the younger one about 5 min later and went into the living room. Told Cayleb it was his last chance to turn it off and he said No again, so I turned it off and removed the CD. He of course freaked and started to cry. (I want to point out that he actually only plays video games about 3x a week, his choice, he really isn't that interested in gaming and would much rather run around to play) He tried climbing on me to get the CD and of course my younger one is watching all this and starting to cry and trying to pull Cayleb off of me. Cayleb's toe is accidently stepped on by me trying to turn away from him and starts to cry more and then yells that I am stupid and the "F" word and charges down to his room yelling at me the whole way and causing destruction. He takes his room apart, pushes a large laundry hamper across the floor scraping the hardwood, gets a pen and writes all over his matress, bed, floor and school folders. He finally seems to recover after about an hr and comes out to do his homework. He gives me hugs, tells me he loves me, gets me an icepack for my migraine(gee I wonder why I get them so often) and is being all lovey. While he had been ripping his room apart I let him know, very calmly that I would not be putting his room back together, it would be his job. At bedtime there is another complete melt down that causes me to start screaming at him because he wants me to help him put his room back to order and I refuse to help because he made the mess and I had warned him. I finally help with the bed sheets but that's it. I go to my bathroom. When I exit he is on my bed begging to sleep in my bed. I tell him no, the baby sleeps in my room and still gets up several times during the night and he needs a good night sleep. I also have no sheets on my bed since they are still in the wash and I point this out to him, but he refuses to leave my room. I lost it at that point :( and turned into the horrible mom these situations turn me into and scream for him to get out. He then cries that I have hurt his ears and I am a mean person, leaves and goes to bed. :( I spend the next 2 hrs crying, because of course I feel like a mean person :( The book I am reading, the Explosive Child, says I should know what will set him off. tha's where I am stuck. I don't always know. He says no ALOT but it doesn't always cause a tantrum. Somedays he is fine about turning off the game but freaks on homework or about bedtime or taking a shower. t's almost like he rotates what will be the issue today. He does go out of his way to make things difficult. A few days ago I was putting toys away before bedtime. he tried to bring a box of cars out for his brother. I told him no, I was cleaning up and to put them back. He puts them back and walks out to where I am straightening up and says "You're cleaning up?" I said yes He says, "Oh, you are trying to clean up huh?" I said yes again. Then he takes an armful of his own toys and throws him all over the floor and says very spitefully" Well here you go, you can clean up that then. " and walks away. This was after a wonderful, very uneventful evening. There was nothing to precipitate him getting mad and he was perfectly calm afterwards, just happy to have given me more to do. I have asked him nicely not to mess with the dial on the fridge and explained why. He sneaked in last night and turned the temp all the way down and froze the milk. He sneaks behind us constantly to do those kinds of things. I could go on for hrs, sorry. [/QUOTE]
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