Hi DB. I just wanted to say sorry for all of this. I have a few friends with difficult adopted teens who also struggle with how they can enforce boundaries, and get the kids the treatment they need, in light of the abandonment issue.
If it provides some perspective or is any consolation — parents making those decisions for their difficult biological children can also fear that their kids will feel abandoned; biological children can use the abandonment idea to emotionally manipulate; and the only thing you can do is to make the best choice you can knowing you are not abandoning him even though it might implicate those feelings in him.
I don’t have any answers but I can appreciate how uniquely hard this position must be.
