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Intro & panic about teenage years
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 373141" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm skimming through the responses quickly, so forgive me if I repeat things.</p><p></p><p>First - you are not alone.</p><p></p><p>Second - your son can be taught what is appropriate and clearly is motivated to behave according to social norms ("Why didn't you tell me it's not acceptable to bite?"). But they need to be taught these lessons in the same way you would teach the alphabet, or the state capitals. It needs to be formally taught.</p><p></p><p>You could enquire in your area to see if there are any social skills course available for pre-teen/teen Aspies/autistics. We were able to plug into such a course. In fact, it is probably time for another. The past course was actually organised by an informal group of parents, our kids meet to do drama classes together. Drama classes for kids with learning problems (most are on the spectrum). So one day when the mums were sitting around drinking coffee and chatting, the idea came up, so they organised it. It can be that simple. Or a therapist can help on a personal basis.</p><p></p><p>Or you can do it yourself. But you need to sit him down and make sure he understands. "Son, you have autism. That's OK, it is part of who you are, but it does bring a few issues we need to consider, things you need help with."</p><p>The Sixth Sense program explains autism as a defect in the social sense. So just as someone who has a defect in their vision sense can make some changes in their environment and can get some help in practical ways (a white cane; a seeing eye dog) so can someone with deficits in the social sense, get some help and be able to put some accommodations in place to help them adapt. Autism brings gifts as well as hassles. It's an ill wind. There are gifts he has that autism makes even better. But there are hassles too, and your job as parent is to identify the problems and help him find ways around them.</p><p></p><p>One such problem is going to be his interest in his own developing sexuality. He needs to learn by rote if necessary, what is OK and what is not. Even if you have to write it down and stick it up behind the toilet door for him to memorise, then do it.</p><p></p><p>Something important to teach him - "mating" is what animals do. "Sexual intercourse" (and all the other terms) are what humans do. Yes, humans are also members of the animal kingdom, but people like to fool themselves that they are better than animals and so don't like using animal terms. Also, sex is a personal private thing reserved legally for adults. Experimenting with sex when under age can get you into legal hot water. Talking about sex with other people especially when you're under age can also get you into hot water. While he might observe some people freely talking about it and think that makes it OK for him to do the same - he needs to remember that the others can get away with it better, because they DO have the social sense honed to perfection, while he is still having to learn and make adjustments.</p><p></p><p>So despite what others do or say, he needs to always be more careful. It's not fair, but it is dafe. If he has questions, he should come and ask you. Or maybe you find someone else he can also go and ask. When the weird kid does something odd, he is going to cop a lot more fallout than when a easy child does something odd. Again, it's not fair but difficult child has to keep his nose a lot cleaner than a easy child. So he is going to have to learn to walk a straight, narrow path and over time, will learn what he can do and what he can't.</p><p></p><p>They do learn. They do adapt. The brighter they are, the more they learn and the better they learn. They do take longer to seemingly mature, but they generally do a lot better than you ever would have thought possible.</p><p></p><p>Stick around, pick our brains and in turn we'll pick yours.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 373141, member: 1991"] I'm skimming through the responses quickly, so forgive me if I repeat things. First - you are not alone. Second - your son can be taught what is appropriate and clearly is motivated to behave according to social norms ("Why didn't you tell me it's not acceptable to bite?"). But they need to be taught these lessons in the same way you would teach the alphabet, or the state capitals. It needs to be formally taught. You could enquire in your area to see if there are any social skills course available for pre-teen/teen Aspies/autistics. We were able to plug into such a course. In fact, it is probably time for another. The past course was actually organised by an informal group of parents, our kids meet to do drama classes together. Drama classes for kids with learning problems (most are on the spectrum). So one day when the mums were sitting around drinking coffee and chatting, the idea came up, so they organised it. It can be that simple. Or a therapist can help on a personal basis. Or you can do it yourself. But you need to sit him down and make sure he understands. "Son, you have autism. That's OK, it is part of who you are, but it does bring a few issues we need to consider, things you need help with." The Sixth Sense program explains autism as a defect in the social sense. So just as someone who has a defect in their vision sense can make some changes in their environment and can get some help in practical ways (a white cane; a seeing eye dog) so can someone with deficits in the social sense, get some help and be able to put some accommodations in place to help them adapt. Autism brings gifts as well as hassles. It's an ill wind. There are gifts he has that autism makes even better. But there are hassles too, and your job as parent is to identify the problems and help him find ways around them. One such problem is going to be his interest in his own developing sexuality. He needs to learn by rote if necessary, what is OK and what is not. Even if you have to write it down and stick it up behind the toilet door for him to memorise, then do it. Something important to teach him - "mating" is what animals do. "Sexual intercourse" (and all the other terms) are what humans do. Yes, humans are also members of the animal kingdom, but people like to fool themselves that they are better than animals and so don't like using animal terms. Also, sex is a personal private thing reserved legally for adults. Experimenting with sex when under age can get you into legal hot water. Talking about sex with other people especially when you're under age can also get you into hot water. While he might observe some people freely talking about it and think that makes it OK for him to do the same - he needs to remember that the others can get away with it better, because they DO have the social sense honed to perfection, while he is still having to learn and make adjustments. So despite what others do or say, he needs to always be more careful. It's not fair, but it is dafe. If he has questions, he should come and ask you. Or maybe you find someone else he can also go and ask. When the weird kid does something odd, he is going to cop a lot more fallout than when a easy child does something odd. Again, it's not fair but difficult child has to keep his nose a lot cleaner than a easy child. So he is going to have to learn to walk a straight, narrow path and over time, will learn what he can do and what he can't. They do learn. They do adapt. The brighter they are, the more they learn and the better they learn. They do take longer to seemingly mature, but they generally do a lot better than you ever would have thought possible. Stick around, pick our brains and in turn we'll pick yours. Marg [/QUOTE]
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