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Introducing myself and my family
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<blockquote data-quote="Umberlee168" data-source="post: 616681" data-attributes="member: 17539"><p>I wish I could quote so I could address some of this stuff...I'm sure I will miss some.</p><p></p><p>I do wonder sometimes if my kid can "help" any of this behavior. It sure seems like he's hard wired to just do things that pop into his head, even if they're to his detriment and make no sense--almost like he's brain-damaged or something, but no one else seems to follow this train of thought. I live in a rural area that has relatively good health care but pretty weak mental health care. I'm not sure if we have any neuropsychiatrists and we almost certainly don't have any who specialize in pediatrics. Right now I am kind of waiting for DHS to push us in the right direction as far as evaluation etc. because my ex will not consent to any of this but if the state is involved then he has no choice, or less of a choice.</p><p></p><p>When I was pregnant with my son I was going to school and trying to better myself while my now-ex was drinking, disappearing, overall being irresponsible and stressing me out really badly. Between that stress and putting myself through school it was a very anxious and unpleasant pregnancy but was normal in every other way. My ex and I were the primary caregivers and there was no domestic violence. Some arguing, some immaturity on both of our parts, some flawed parenting. I believed at the time due to what I had heard from other parents that letting babies cry themselves to sleep was better for them and would make them better-behaved. I remember letting Punch cry in his bassinet for ages until he exhausted himself. I feel extremely, extremely guilty about this now. I also spanked/slapped as punishment back then. Not nearly anything abusive--spankings were almost required because Punch would not stay in time out or, I felt, give me any other option. I would "pop" a kid in the mouth if they were rude or sassy. I wish I had known more about being a parent. I really thought I was doing the best for my children. I wanted to be authoritarian and have kids who obeyed like little soldiers. My second and third kid were raised the same way. (P.S., my second son is a full sibling of this child, it's the third son who isn't.)</p><p></p><p>Punch did have an abnormal EEG after a febrile seizure when he was little, but they told us just to watch him and that probably no follow-up was needed. He also had a tic for several years. He had a minor head injury on the playground at age 5 but in reality was "difficult" way before that.</p><p></p><p>As I said, he's extremely smart and has tested miles ahead of classmates for years. He was reading at college level before he entered middle school. That's one thing that makes it so heartbreaking to see him setting out on this path...not to mention that I don't want him to make the mistakes I did (and his dad continues to make) with drinking or drugs. That absolutely terrifies me.</p><p></p><p>I hate the way my husband acts about him. I had a stepmom who treated me with complete disdain and I can still feel that sting all these years later. I have told my husband for years that I can't let him treat my kids that way. But he has gotten worse instead of better (they both have, really). I absolutely agree that my husband is a bully. He would rather divorce me than go to any kind of family therapy but maybe if it's court-ordered or advised by DHS he would follow through. Probably not. My husband is a great provider but I make as much money as he does, he just has us all under stellar insurance. Punch's bio dad does not pay for ANYTHING.</p><p></p><p>If I felt like breaking up my little kids' nuclear family and putting all my energy into "saving" Punch would work, I would do it in a heartbeat. If I wasn't terrified of being a single mom with five kids by two different guys, including a kid who is a "problem child," I might consider starting over in a relationship. The thought of dating and of having my little kids have to be some jerk's stepkids too just breaks my heart. I mean, I just think is splitting up going to make things better or worse and in every column except one it would be worse...and the one is what falls on Punch. And I do love my husband. He is a total ass and if I had to do it all over again I don't think I would marry him but I love him with all my heart. I definitely love him more than he loves me, though.</p><p></p><p>Do neuropsychiatric evaluations actually give you data that supports that this kid's brain is impulsive or lacks the ability to make good decisions?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Umberlee168, post: 616681, member: 17539"] I wish I could quote so I could address some of this stuff...I'm sure I will miss some. I do wonder sometimes if my kid can "help" any of this behavior. It sure seems like he's hard wired to just do things that pop into his head, even if they're to his detriment and make no sense--almost like he's brain-damaged or something, but no one else seems to follow this train of thought. I live in a rural area that has relatively good health care but pretty weak mental health care. I'm not sure if we have any neuropsychiatrists and we almost certainly don't have any who specialize in pediatrics. Right now I am kind of waiting for DHS to push us in the right direction as far as evaluation etc. because my ex will not consent to any of this but if the state is involved then he has no choice, or less of a choice. When I was pregnant with my son I was going to school and trying to better myself while my now-ex was drinking, disappearing, overall being irresponsible and stressing me out really badly. Between that stress and putting myself through school it was a very anxious and unpleasant pregnancy but was normal in every other way. My ex and I were the primary caregivers and there was no domestic violence. Some arguing, some immaturity on both of our parts, some flawed parenting. I believed at the time due to what I had heard from other parents that letting babies cry themselves to sleep was better for them and would make them better-behaved. I remember letting Punch cry in his bassinet for ages until he exhausted himself. I feel extremely, extremely guilty about this now. I also spanked/slapped as punishment back then. Not nearly anything abusive--spankings were almost required because Punch would not stay in time out or, I felt, give me any other option. I would "pop" a kid in the mouth if they were rude or sassy. I wish I had known more about being a parent. I really thought I was doing the best for my children. I wanted to be authoritarian and have kids who obeyed like little soldiers. My second and third kid were raised the same way. (P.S., my second son is a full sibling of this child, it's the third son who isn't.) Punch did have an abnormal EEG after a febrile seizure when he was little, but they told us just to watch him and that probably no follow-up was needed. He also had a tic for several years. He had a minor head injury on the playground at age 5 but in reality was "difficult" way before that. As I said, he's extremely smart and has tested miles ahead of classmates for years. He was reading at college level before he entered middle school. That's one thing that makes it so heartbreaking to see him setting out on this path...not to mention that I don't want him to make the mistakes I did (and his dad continues to make) with drinking or drugs. That absolutely terrifies me. I hate the way my husband acts about him. I had a stepmom who treated me with complete disdain and I can still feel that sting all these years later. I have told my husband for years that I can't let him treat my kids that way. But he has gotten worse instead of better (they both have, really). I absolutely agree that my husband is a bully. He would rather divorce me than go to any kind of family therapy but maybe if it's court-ordered or advised by DHS he would follow through. Probably not. My husband is a great provider but I make as much money as he does, he just has us all under stellar insurance. Punch's bio dad does not pay for ANYTHING. If I felt like breaking up my little kids' nuclear family and putting all my energy into "saving" Punch would work, I would do it in a heartbeat. If I wasn't terrified of being a single mom with five kids by two different guys, including a kid who is a "problem child," I might consider starting over in a relationship. The thought of dating and of having my little kids have to be some jerk's stepkids too just breaks my heart. I mean, I just think is splitting up going to make things better or worse and in every column except one it would be worse...and the one is what falls on Punch. And I do love my husband. He is a total ass and if I had to do it all over again I don't think I would marry him but I love him with all my heart. I definitely love him more than he loves me, though. Do neuropsychiatric evaluations actually give you data that supports that this kid's brain is impulsive or lacks the ability to make good decisions? [/QUOTE]
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