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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 378285" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Mean what you say and say what you mean. </p><p>Every action should have a positive or negative consequence. Set up the basic rules. </p><p>Cherub 1, unload dishwasher every day- positive consequence, use of car. Negative consequence No use of the car.</p><p></p><p>Obviously you have to custom make your rules of the house. Never threaten a consequence without following through. Never, ever do the job they didn't do. </p><p>It is your home and they are to respect the parents who pay the mortgage and give them food by contributing to the family unit. Everyone should do jobs around the house.</p><p></p><p>It helps my difficult child and easy child if they know what is expected of them the day before so they can sort out their own schedule. Posting a list gives my difficult child visual cues and reminders.</p><p></p><p>Both boys know if mom says a consequence(good or bad) I will follow through. It was hard the first few times but it gives them pride and dignity to know they can contribute to the family. (they just don't know it yet). </p><p>I try hard to not make everything chore about a negative consequence. I also ask them how we can solve a problem(like trash overflowing) and get their input. Sometimes they just need some guidance.</p><p>Walk softly, carry a biiiiiiiiigggggggggg stick. </p><p>My boys wish I would tell dad. : )</p><p></p><p>PS: I love my boys tremendously and give them more positive then negative feedback but they have to hear the negative in order to correct their behavior.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 378285, member: 3"] Mean what you say and say what you mean. Every action should have a positive or negative consequence. Set up the basic rules. Cherub 1, unload dishwasher every day- positive consequence, use of car. Negative consequence No use of the car. Obviously you have to custom make your rules of the house. Never threaten a consequence without following through. Never, ever do the job they didn't do. It is your home and they are to respect the parents who pay the mortgage and give them food by contributing to the family unit. Everyone should do jobs around the house. It helps my difficult child and easy child if they know what is expected of them the day before so they can sort out their own schedule. Posting a list gives my difficult child visual cues and reminders. Both boys know if mom says a consequence(good or bad) I will follow through. It was hard the first few times but it gives them pride and dignity to know they can contribute to the family. (they just don't know it yet). I try hard to not make everything chore about a negative consequence. I also ask them how we can solve a problem(like trash overflowing) and get their input. Sometimes they just need some guidance. Walk softly, carry a biiiiiiiiigggggggggg stick. My boys wish I would tell dad. : ) PS: I love my boys tremendously and give them more positive then negative feedback but they have to hear the negative in order to correct their behavior. [/QUOTE]
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