Hi, I am so sorry you are in this place....but really glad you found us. I AM the mom of the 15 yr old who was doing what yours was doing back then. and now when he gets aggressive...either verbally or physically, it is awful. I still have hope though, and we seem to be on an upswing. Not perfect but a few days of no bruises. Just a month ago I was black and blue from head to toe and wondering if my son would need to be in an institution for a long long time. (long story) but he is now settling in a new school and even his therapist said, wow he actually seems happy! YUP. I too live for him and those moments do make it all worthwhile. I do not have a serious illness like you do though (I do have auto immune stuff but it is not life threatening nor serious at this point).
Even though we know it is not personal, it is so wearing and human nature to feel so insulted when someone spits, kicks, hits, punches, throws, calls us horrid names... just so awful.
I come here and cry about that once in a while and thank heaven there are people here to lift me up. I hope you can feel that too.
I posted recently that Q was swearing his head off at me and saying in fact I am not even his mom anymore, he doesn't love me...then he quietly said...well sometimes I do love you...then again back to yelling but not right now! It is so hard when we know they would do better if they could but it is still so draining that it is hard to be a therapeutic parent all of the time.
Dont worry about the reason for posting, just share and share...it really does help.
You are not alone.
