I think he absolutely does feel exactly that way. Someone else posted a description the other day that said she felt "empty in that place we call mother" and I think that is such an accurate description of that feeling. I think he feels empty in that place we call father. He went through hell just to try to keep his child's family of origin together, hoping it would set his son up better than he had been set up for life. It's just been one thing after another for years now. You dream of so many things with a relationship with your child, but never this.
We have both been through many sessions of counseling in the past, and generally as a peer counselor I don't even hesitate referring myself to counseling. However, I've also at this point had a lot of bad experiences with counselors and it feels like one more thing that I would have to battle right now. I'm definitely leaning my supports and actively processing everything in an intentional way. Thank you so much for the concern. 
