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<blockquote data-quote="Lila256" data-source="post: 722939" data-attributes="member: 22431"><p>Thanks for the welcome! That sure is a lot of familiar behavior, though thankfully we didn't deal with any drug abuse when he was actually living with us. It's a miracle, really, because he has a highly addictive personality and, like you notice with your son, a complete lack of empathy or conscious. It's all about what he wants, at any cost. With him in a group home (and various other foster placements) now, I suspect it's only a matter of time.</p><p></p><p>I completely understand the feeling of not feeling safe and of there being no trust from a very young age. I kept my bedroom door (and every other door in the house) locked even when I was home, unless I was in the room and awake at the time (and even then my guard was up because he would steal things right in front of me). He also had periods of time where it seemed like he wanted to try, but it was always short-lived and often got worse afterwards, or we would discover he was doing things on the down low during the period of time. I always felt like the only thing we were accomplishing as parents was making him better at breaking rules and getting around things. Unfortunately you just can't trust someone who constantly tells you that they can't be trusted. That is such a difficult thing with children, because they are still learning and figuring things out, but it's just a different level than your average kid. You become a victim rather than a parent.</p><p></p><p>It is so interesting to me how different kids turn out differently. My partner and I talk about that quite a lot. Sometimes there are obvious things that have been done or that the child experiences, and sometimes there really is nothing to point at. My partner and I both had a rough childhood, him far rougher than I, and neither of us went down the path of the people who abused us. Just something inside both of us would never allow that to happen. Other people go in a completely different path. I think that was one thing that was really hard for his father and I, because my stepson used his history (which he never should've had to go through and wasn't his fault) as an excuse for his behavior on a fairly constant basis. Yet, would never address issues in counseling or actually put any effort into using resources he had to help him figure everything out. It just became a blank check in his mind to do whatever he wanted.</p><p></p><p>Best of luck in getting through the next couple of years with your son. I have so been there, where every day is a struggle (and still am to an extent), and I don't envy you! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lila256, post: 722939, member: 22431"] Thanks for the welcome! That sure is a lot of familiar behavior, though thankfully we didn't deal with any drug abuse when he was actually living with us. It's a miracle, really, because he has a highly addictive personality and, like you notice with your son, a complete lack of empathy or conscious. It's all about what he wants, at any cost. With him in a group home (and various other foster placements) now, I suspect it's only a matter of time. I completely understand the feeling of not feeling safe and of there being no trust from a very young age. I kept my bedroom door (and every other door in the house) locked even when I was home, unless I was in the room and awake at the time (and even then my guard was up because he would steal things right in front of me). He also had periods of time where it seemed like he wanted to try, but it was always short-lived and often got worse afterwards, or we would discover he was doing things on the down low during the period of time. I always felt like the only thing we were accomplishing as parents was making him better at breaking rules and getting around things. Unfortunately you just can't trust someone who constantly tells you that they can't be trusted. That is such a difficult thing with children, because they are still learning and figuring things out, but it's just a different level than your average kid. You become a victim rather than a parent. It is so interesting to me how different kids turn out differently. My partner and I talk about that quite a lot. Sometimes there are obvious things that have been done or that the child experiences, and sometimes there really is nothing to point at. My partner and I both had a rough childhood, him far rougher than I, and neither of us went down the path of the people who abused us. Just something inside both of us would never allow that to happen. Other people go in a completely different path. I think that was one thing that was really hard for his father and I, because my stepson used his history (which he never should've had to go through and wasn't his fault) as an excuse for his behavior on a fairly constant basis. Yet, would never address issues in counseling or actually put any effort into using resources he had to help him figure everything out. It just became a blank check in his mind to do whatever he wanted. Best of luck in getting through the next couple of years with your son. I have so been there, where every day is a struggle (and still am to an extent), and I don't envy you! :-) [/QUOTE]
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