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Is it easier with multiple children?
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<blockquote data-quote="LauraH" data-source="post: 752100" data-attributes="member: 22877"><p>I'm one of those people that gives something over to God and then turns around and takes it back. So last night I gave my son back to him and again this morning. I think I will have to do this from now on, possibly every morning and night for the rest of my life. </p><p></p><p>To clarify, the reason I fear for a bad outcome, if not the worst possible outcome, is A, my son's behavior, choices, and outcomes when he lived in Chicago before. And the fact that shortly after texting with the toxic ex he's ready to move back, blowing off holiday plans he's made with his father's aunt and her family and with my family. And B, my son has a lifelong history of 1 inch forward, 5 miles back. It's like he can he can only deal with positive things in his life for so long before he starts sabotaging everything (relationships, jobs, etc) and engaging in self-destructive and negative behaviors. This pattern has repeated itself since he was a kid and by the looks of it continues to do so.</p><p></p><p>I'm still wobbling around between many different feelings, sadness over the potential he's wasted over the years because to him if it requires any kind of effort it's not worth pursuing. Indifference (and sometimes acceptance) because this seems to be the life he has chosen for himself and there's nothing I can do to change that. And anger over the money, time, energy, and emotion I have spent on this kid throughout his life, and particularly the last 2 or 3 years as my husband and I were bending over backwards trying to help him help himself make changes that were for naught. </p><p></p><p>Well at least one positive in all this, so far...and that is that he has not asked for one dime of help from us since he got out of rehab, except the other day when he borrowed $10 for gas money to get home. Whether he pays that back remains to be seen. I'll hold onto this, that he at least is respecting our boundary of no more financial help. If even this one thing sticks, it's something to be grateful for.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LauraH, post: 752100, member: 22877"] I'm one of those people that gives something over to God and then turns around and takes it back. So last night I gave my son back to him and again this morning. I think I will have to do this from now on, possibly every morning and night for the rest of my life. To clarify, the reason I fear for a bad outcome, if not the worst possible outcome, is A, my son's behavior, choices, and outcomes when he lived in Chicago before. And the fact that shortly after texting with the toxic ex he's ready to move back, blowing off holiday plans he's made with his father's aunt and her family and with my family. And B, my son has a lifelong history of 1 inch forward, 5 miles back. It's like he can he can only deal with positive things in his life for so long before he starts sabotaging everything (relationships, jobs, etc) and engaging in self-destructive and negative behaviors. This pattern has repeated itself since he was a kid and by the looks of it continues to do so. I'm still wobbling around between many different feelings, sadness over the potential he's wasted over the years because to him if it requires any kind of effort it's not worth pursuing. Indifference (and sometimes acceptance) because this seems to be the life he has chosen for himself and there's nothing I can do to change that. And anger over the money, time, energy, and emotion I have spent on this kid throughout his life, and particularly the last 2 or 3 years as my husband and I were bending over backwards trying to help him help himself make changes that were for naught. Well at least one positive in all this, so far...and that is that he has not asked for one dime of help from us since he got out of rehab, except the other day when he borrowed $10 for gas money to get home. Whether he pays that back remains to be seen. I'll hold onto this, that he at least is respecting our boundary of no more financial help. If even this one thing sticks, it's something to be grateful for. [/QUOTE]
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