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Is it ever to late?
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 733440" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi Wendy23, I'm so glad you found us here. Within these pages you will find much needed support without judgment. </p><p></p><p>Oh that pesky enabling. No, it's never too late to stop.</p><p></p><p>Of course he tells you this will be the last time he asks for money, it's a pattern that has worked well for him. You are 60 years old and should be enjoying your life. Here's the thing, you and I along with all the other parents out there will not be around forever for our difficult adult children. The reality is someday we will die and then what? What will happen? The same thing that will happen while we are still very much alive. Our difficult adult children will have to figure out how to live on their own.</p><p></p><p>There is a term called the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) The fact that you are here sharing with us tell me you want to come out of the FOG. It can be done. There are many of us here that have made it out of the FOG and are living our lives for ourselves and we are happy. Yes, you too can be happy again.</p><p></p><p>What do you do? Well that's up to you. Nothing will change unless you change it. My suggestion is to start slow. I also suggest you attend some Al-Anon meetings. You will find others who are also dealing with loved ones who are addicted. If you go to a meeting and it doesn't "fit" try another till you find one that works for you. You don't have to talk, you can just sit and listen.</p><p></p><p>The main thing is your son will not change unless he want to BUT you can change. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live in your home without and chaos.</p><p></p><p>Your son, at 28 needs to find his own way. If you decide you don't want him living in your home, please don't look at as you are "kicking him out" look at as you are liberating him to live his own life on his terms.</p><p></p><p>You have received wonderful advice from those that posted before me.</p><p></p><p>Stay with us, keep reading, keep posting and keep working on changing what you can.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you..................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 733440, member: 18516"] Hi Wendy23, I'm so glad you found us here. Within these pages you will find much needed support without judgment. Oh that pesky enabling. No, it's never too late to stop. Of course he tells you this will be the last time he asks for money, it's a pattern that has worked well for him. You are 60 years old and should be enjoying your life. Here's the thing, you and I along with all the other parents out there will not be around forever for our difficult adult children. The reality is someday we will die and then what? What will happen? The same thing that will happen while we are still very much alive. Our difficult adult children will have to figure out how to live on their own. There is a term called the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) The fact that you are here sharing with us tell me you want to come out of the FOG. It can be done. There are many of us here that have made it out of the FOG and are living our lives for ourselves and we are happy. Yes, you too can be happy again. What do you do? Well that's up to you. Nothing will change unless you change it. My suggestion is to start slow. I also suggest you attend some Al-Anon meetings. You will find others who are also dealing with loved ones who are addicted. If you go to a meeting and it doesn't "fit" try another till you find one that works for you. You don't have to talk, you can just sit and listen. The main thing is your son will not change unless he want to BUT you can change. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live in your home without and chaos. Your son, at 28 needs to find his own way. If you decide you don't want him living in your home, please don't look at as you are "kicking him out" look at as you are liberating him to live his own life on his terms. You have received wonderful advice from those that posted before me. Stay with us, keep reading, keep posting and keep working on changing what you can. ((HUGS)) to you.................. [/QUOTE]
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