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Is it wrong that I don't even like her anymore?
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 174061" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Hi Julia, welcome.</p><p>Your daughter sounds so much like my son!</p><p> </p><p>In regard to the rigidity, it's possible she's on the high end of autism. We still wonder about my son. But our child psychiatric gave me some GREAT ideas for dealing with-that.</p><p>One is to set a timer for transitions, for ex., from the computer to the dinner table. It was always a major meltdown. So we set a timer and gave our son a 15-min warning. Then 10, then 5, etc. It took a few days--actually, wks--but it really worked. </p><p>Also, the dr said to tell my difficult child that I was going to run errands in a certain order, and then deliberately rearrange the order so he would have a meltdown. It was to teach my son that 1) I am in charge, 2) the world will not end if things are changed, 3) you're still with-mom, you're still in the same car, you still live in the same house so the only thing that's changed is the direction we're going down the street, therefore, 4) you'd better learn to cope.</p><p>The best part of it was that although I, too, was at the end of my rope and very depressed, and dreaded being in the same planet with-my difficult child, much less the same room, these exercises gave me control. I mean, I MADE difficult child have a meltdown. It wasn't an accident. I caused something to happen. The world did not end for my son or for myself.</p><p>It was a huge revelation. </p><p>It sounds ridiculous but it was so empowering.</p><p>I rearranged the errands like that for several wks, and also took pretend trips to the grocery store (where you don't HAVE to buy anything so you can immediately leave when your kids acts up) and oh, what a change!!!</p><p> </p><p>I woke up ea morning with-a plan, rather than a nebulous fear of what the day might hold.</p><p> </p><p>I know you don't have a lot of $, but a sitter is imperative for your peace of mind, by the way. Hire someone who is very strong willed and bossy. A quiet, bookish teenager won't work. </p><p>We had very bad luck with-the daycare at the gym. They were not trained properly and we almost pressed charges once, but that's another story.</p><p> </p><p>I totally agree with-Adrianne that structure is the way to go. I know you feel like you can't do it right now but it will pay off in the end. </p><p>That probably sounds ridiculous, having just said that I rearranged our errands, etc., but what I mean by structure is that ea day, you plan a cpl things, such as going to the park, going to the store, baking cookies, etc. and you do them at certain times during the day. </p><p>I like to have chores done first thing in the a.m., for ex.</p><p> </p><p>Even if your difficult child doesn't understand the plan, the thing is that YOU know there's a plan and stick to it. Eventually, the routine will surface and your difficult child will be more stable with-the consistent expectations.</p><p> </p><p>I hope that helps a little.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 174061, member: 3419"] Hi Julia, welcome. Your daughter sounds so much like my son! In regard to the rigidity, it's possible she's on the high end of autism. We still wonder about my son. But our child psychiatric gave me some GREAT ideas for dealing with-that. One is to set a timer for transitions, for ex., from the computer to the dinner table. It was always a major meltdown. So we set a timer and gave our son a 15-min warning. Then 10, then 5, etc. It took a few days--actually, wks--but it really worked. Also, the dr said to tell my difficult child that I was going to run errands in a certain order, and then deliberately rearrange the order so he would have a meltdown. It was to teach my son that 1) I am in charge, 2) the world will not end if things are changed, 3) you're still with-mom, you're still in the same car, you still live in the same house so the only thing that's changed is the direction we're going down the street, therefore, 4) you'd better learn to cope. The best part of it was that although I, too, was at the end of my rope and very depressed, and dreaded being in the same planet with-my difficult child, much less the same room, these exercises gave me control. I mean, I MADE difficult child have a meltdown. It wasn't an accident. I caused something to happen. The world did not end for my son or for myself. It was a huge revelation. It sounds ridiculous but it was so empowering. I rearranged the errands like that for several wks, and also took pretend trips to the grocery store (where you don't HAVE to buy anything so you can immediately leave when your kids acts up) and oh, what a change!!! I woke up ea morning with-a plan, rather than a nebulous fear of what the day might hold. I know you don't have a lot of $, but a sitter is imperative for your peace of mind, by the way. Hire someone who is very strong willed and bossy. A quiet, bookish teenager won't work. We had very bad luck with-the daycare at the gym. They were not trained properly and we almost pressed charges once, but that's another story. I totally agree with-Adrianne that structure is the way to go. I know you feel like you can't do it right now but it will pay off in the end. That probably sounds ridiculous, having just said that I rearranged our errands, etc., but what I mean by structure is that ea day, you plan a cpl things, such as going to the park, going to the store, baking cookies, etc. and you do them at certain times during the day. I like to have chores done first thing in the a.m., for ex. Even if your difficult child doesn't understand the plan, the thing is that YOU know there's a plan and stick to it. Eventually, the routine will surface and your difficult child will be more stable with-the consistent expectations. I hope that helps a little. [/QUOTE]
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