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Is my SD Callous-Unemotional?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 748790" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Was she always cold like this, or did this come on more at a certain age? I know that ASPD is NOT diagnosed until adulthood because some teenage behaviors that are not only normal but developmentally appropriate can imitate it. MANY teens cut their parents, or one parent, out of their lives when they are teens. My older brother (only bro) started to demand 24 hour notice to come down and eat dinner with the family when he was 12. To go out to eat? 48 hours or more. He cited school work, but mostly that wasn't it. It meant I got a LOT of 1:1 time and meals out with my parents that I didn't have to put up with him over. He has his problems, but ASPD isn't it. Oh, he had a LOT of other things that could have seen him labelled ASPD, but it just isn't him.</p><p></p><p>Often kids that seem cold/callous and who are very sensitive to various types of sensory input are on the autism spectrum. They can be very far from the "typical" autism profile. My oldest son is very high functioning and fit the definition of Asperger's very well (now it is just high functioning autism as a diagnosis). We had severely anti-social behaviors from him, and had no clue why for a long time. he is very different now, but he is also an adult now. </p><p></p><p>My youngest child had very severe sensory issues. Bad enough that he couldn't attend school every day all day for YEARS. Several specialists told us that sensory integration disorder is on the autistic spectrum. </p><p></p><p>I think it is pretty normal for kids to find ways out of school and things they find uncomfortable. For a kid with autism, ANY discussion of feelings is uncomfortable. When my youngest son (who is 19) isn't feeling good, I have to make him stop and focus on himself and put one finger on where it hurts/feels bad. He simply cannot identify even physical pain (unless a very specific accident happened, such as a cut with blood dripping out) the way you or I would. I do know that my older 2 kids had each googled ways to fake being sick by the time they were in 3rd or 4th grade. And my daughter actually LIKED school! </p><p></p><p>To an adult, faking a panic attack seems cruel to the people around you. To a kid who has no way to cope with her own emotions, and/or with the sensory input that is coming in, it may simply be a way to get people to leave her alone when she is at her worst coping capacity.</p><p></p><p>Girls do not present with autism the way boys do. MANY autism experts have a hard time identifying girls with autism unless it is severe. Why? Girls imitate what others do and how they say they feel. Girls are expected to understand emotion and display it far more appropriately by society. Looking back, the signs of my own autism are very clear when compared to the symptoms of girls with autism. I often had absolutely zero idea why the other girls were talking the way they were, why they wanted to do this or that, or how to talk to them. I can remember sitting with a group of friends at school and wondering why on earth they were so interested in sportsball and dolls and if a boy was "cute". I was 7 at the time. That feeling came to me more and more as I grew up. I did learn how to fit in with at least a small group of good friends, most of the time. By college I was able to pretty much take care of myself as far as life skills, but social skills were not a strong point. </p><p></p><p>I spent quite a lot of time with my nose in a book. I didn't go anywhere without one after about age 5 or 6. I loved the stories, but it also was a shield against the social stuff I just didn't understand. In 5th grade and for most of 6th grade, I didn't speak to anyone at school. I got teased a LOT, and bullied a lot too. Even the teachers (NUNS, some of them) and the priest would call me names. I am stubborn as all heck when I am pushed too far. I flat out REFUSED to talk to even my teachers and the priest, even during Confession. I talked plenty at home, but those people at school had NOTHING to say that I wanted to talk about. My parents didn't know until years later. No one from school called them, probably because the names I was being called by the staff would have had my mother's hair on fire and lawyers brought into the situation. </p><p></p><p>I cannot tell you to keep your stepdau with you, or if she is autistic or ASPD or any other diagnosis. But I can say that your husband should at least work to keep in contact with her, even if it is just online. It may be hard with her in another state, but if she knows she can call on you if she needs you, it could make a big difference in the future. It is VERY difficult to make a teen do ANYTHING (I speak from harsh experience!), and if her mother has lied to her about her father, it may take quite some time (years or decades) before she develops a more positive relationship with her father. Or, her mother could end up driving her away in her later teens. This is why you need to keep the lines of communication open. And as non-judgemental as possible about things you have no control over. That way, if she is truly in trouble, you can help her or get help to her if it is needed. (We had that situation with a cousin who's mother moved in a predator). My cousin was a truly awful person as a teen, but by not judging, I was able to be there to help pull her out of her mother's new guy's grasp and back into safety.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 748790, member: 1233"] Was she always cold like this, or did this come on more at a certain age? I know that ASPD is NOT diagnosed until adulthood because some teenage behaviors that are not only normal but developmentally appropriate can imitate it. MANY teens cut their parents, or one parent, out of their lives when they are teens. My older brother (only bro) started to demand 24 hour notice to come down and eat dinner with the family when he was 12. To go out to eat? 48 hours or more. He cited school work, but mostly that wasn't it. It meant I got a LOT of 1:1 time and meals out with my parents that I didn't have to put up with him over. He has his problems, but ASPD isn't it. Oh, he had a LOT of other things that could have seen him labelled ASPD, but it just isn't him. Often kids that seem cold/callous and who are very sensitive to various types of sensory input are on the autism spectrum. They can be very far from the "typical" autism profile. My oldest son is very high functioning and fit the definition of Asperger's very well (now it is just high functioning autism as a diagnosis). We had severely anti-social behaviors from him, and had no clue why for a long time. he is very different now, but he is also an adult now. My youngest child had very severe sensory issues. Bad enough that he couldn't attend school every day all day for YEARS. Several specialists told us that sensory integration disorder is on the autistic spectrum. I think it is pretty normal for kids to find ways out of school and things they find uncomfortable. For a kid with autism, ANY discussion of feelings is uncomfortable. When my youngest son (who is 19) isn't feeling good, I have to make him stop and focus on himself and put one finger on where it hurts/feels bad. He simply cannot identify even physical pain (unless a very specific accident happened, such as a cut with blood dripping out) the way you or I would. I do know that my older 2 kids had each googled ways to fake being sick by the time they were in 3rd or 4th grade. And my daughter actually LIKED school! To an adult, faking a panic attack seems cruel to the people around you. To a kid who has no way to cope with her own emotions, and/or with the sensory input that is coming in, it may simply be a way to get people to leave her alone when she is at her worst coping capacity. Girls do not present with autism the way boys do. MANY autism experts have a hard time identifying girls with autism unless it is severe. Why? Girls imitate what others do and how they say they feel. Girls are expected to understand emotion and display it far more appropriately by society. Looking back, the signs of my own autism are very clear when compared to the symptoms of girls with autism. I often had absolutely zero idea why the other girls were talking the way they were, why they wanted to do this or that, or how to talk to them. I can remember sitting with a group of friends at school and wondering why on earth they were so interested in sportsball and dolls and if a boy was "cute". I was 7 at the time. That feeling came to me more and more as I grew up. I did learn how to fit in with at least a small group of good friends, most of the time. By college I was able to pretty much take care of myself as far as life skills, but social skills were not a strong point. I spent quite a lot of time with my nose in a book. I didn't go anywhere without one after about age 5 or 6. I loved the stories, but it also was a shield against the social stuff I just didn't understand. In 5th grade and for most of 6th grade, I didn't speak to anyone at school. I got teased a LOT, and bullied a lot too. Even the teachers (NUNS, some of them) and the priest would call me names. I am stubborn as all heck when I am pushed too far. I flat out REFUSED to talk to even my teachers and the priest, even during Confession. I talked plenty at home, but those people at school had NOTHING to say that I wanted to talk about. My parents didn't know until years later. No one from school called them, probably because the names I was being called by the staff would have had my mother's hair on fire and lawyers brought into the situation. I cannot tell you to keep your stepdau with you, or if she is autistic or ASPD or any other diagnosis. But I can say that your husband should at least work to keep in contact with her, even if it is just online. It may be hard with her in another state, but if she knows she can call on you if she needs you, it could make a big difference in the future. It is VERY difficult to make a teen do ANYTHING (I speak from harsh experience!), and if her mother has lied to her about her father, it may take quite some time (years or decades) before she develops a more positive relationship with her father. Or, her mother could end up driving her away in her later teens. This is why you need to keep the lines of communication open. And as non-judgemental as possible about things you have no control over. That way, if she is truly in trouble, you can help her or get help to her if it is needed. (We had that situation with a cousin who's mother moved in a predator). My cousin was a truly awful person as a teen, but by not judging, I was able to be there to help pull her out of her mother's new guy's grasp and back into safety. [/QUOTE]
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