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Is that where you learned to bite?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 354504" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Oh yes, I agree here. But that isn't what I was talking about. There IS a difference. </p><p></p><p>But there always need to be rules in interactions. There could be a simply explanation as to why she is so difficult, and this could show up, plus your kids could work out a way to get along with her that reduces the problems. Kids have a better chance with this, especially kids who are more inclined to be inclusive anyway.</p><p></p><p>What I was talking about, was the problems that can come when we as parents get involved and insist on our kids including someone they would rather not, for reasons of their own. </p><p></p><p>Teaching your kids to be polite and friendly, and allowing someone to join in, is not the same as telling your child, "I know Jackie hasn't been very kind to you; maybe she's unhappy. I have invited her over this afternoon so we can make her feel welcome."</p><p></p><p>We have the same experience as adults - there are people we will chat to on the street but who we would rather not invite back home, because for whatever reason, we don't get on well enough. We know we get on OK as long as we can walk away when we need to. I'm not talking about the misfits here, I'm talking about the people we know can be very unpleasant and difficult to get on with. If you want to work on yourself to build a connection with someone like that, it is important to go about it the right way and for the right reason, or you risk causing even more offence.</p><p></p><p>Mind you, with people I don't know, I often invite them back home even though I haven't got a clue what to expect. But that is different, to trying to force a connection with someone where there is already a feeling of "I need to keep my distance from this person."</p><p></p><p>Andy, we may have been talking at cross purposes. My concern is for those kids whose parents try to force their friendships with kids their children have privately decided to avoid.</p><p></p><p>I think you did a great thing in how you talked to the girl.</p><p></p><p>Letting her join in - that is good, especially on the terms you make clear. Teaching your children the same guidelines is extremely healthy for their long-term social skills. Having rules and following through is putting your own family rules to practical use in the wider community.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 354504, member: 1991"] Oh yes, I agree here. But that isn't what I was talking about. There IS a difference. But there always need to be rules in interactions. There could be a simply explanation as to why she is so difficult, and this could show up, plus your kids could work out a way to get along with her that reduces the problems. Kids have a better chance with this, especially kids who are more inclined to be inclusive anyway. What I was talking about, was the problems that can come when we as parents get involved and insist on our kids including someone they would rather not, for reasons of their own. Teaching your kids to be polite and friendly, and allowing someone to join in, is not the same as telling your child, "I know Jackie hasn't been very kind to you; maybe she's unhappy. I have invited her over this afternoon so we can make her feel welcome." We have the same experience as adults - there are people we will chat to on the street but who we would rather not invite back home, because for whatever reason, we don't get on well enough. We know we get on OK as long as we can walk away when we need to. I'm not talking about the misfits here, I'm talking about the people we know can be very unpleasant and difficult to get on with. If you want to work on yourself to build a connection with someone like that, it is important to go about it the right way and for the right reason, or you risk causing even more offence. Mind you, with people I don't know, I often invite them back home even though I haven't got a clue what to expect. But that is different, to trying to force a connection with someone where there is already a feeling of "I need to keep my distance from this person." Andy, we may have been talking at cross purposes. My concern is for those kids whose parents try to force their friendships with kids their children have privately decided to avoid. I think you did a great thing in how you talked to the girl. Letting her join in - that is good, especially on the terms you make clear. Teaching your children the same guidelines is extremely healthy for their long-term social skills. Having rules and following through is putting your own family rules to practical use in the wider community. Marg [/QUOTE]
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Is that where you learned to bite?
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