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Is that where you learned to bite?
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 354545" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Marg, There is NO parent setting up play dates. I don't even know her mom. I could care less if difficult child actively avoids her but if they do cross paths and she wants to join in a GROUP activity then the GROUP had best let her in. We live in a neighborhood that GROUP play is so common that there is no way of not spending time with everyone at some point throughout the week. The kids do not have to be "friends" with each other but they do have to respect each other. If they are angry, they do not bite or otherwise fight. </p><p> </p><p>The issue here was not me making difficult child play with someone, the issue is that this girl was inappropriate and as a neighborhood, we will not allow that. I don't believe in ostercising a child over bad behavior. I am not forcing them to play together. difficult child does not have to be friends but he does have to include her when she comes around wanting to join in whatever outdoors game is going on. And he always has to be kind. I will help him out from time to time if he wants to avoid her but it will be on the quiet where it will not hurt her feelings. She will never be made to feel we do not want her around (unless her unwanted behaviors grow too big). Those will mostly be when she comes to the door asking for him and there is no group play going on. He doesn't want to be with her one on one and that is perfectly o.k.</p><p> </p><p>I will make a point of touching base with her from time to time when she does come over - letting her know if she is angry with difficult child she can talk to me about it - and communicating with difficult child daily on how things are going in the neighborhood. We should be able to keep an eye on things and get control before anything gets out of hand.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child went through a year of bad behavior when he was 11. He came very close in being physical a few times and it frightened his classmates so I think he understands how her frustations make her feel. He has also learned how to deal with that anger without hurting others. He remembers how he felt that year and I think that is what gives him patience with other kids. I was proud (though not at all surprised) when he didn't end up hurting her. Many kids who jump into help their friend will beat up the kid hurting their friend. difficult child's goal was to get both of them away from the angry girl.</p><p> </p><p>She does have a mean streak in her but I see enough good in her to allow her to continue to play with difficult child in outdoor neighborhood activities. The more time she can spend in healthy play time (riding bikes, building forts, catching minnows, ect.) the more time she spends away from whatever activities she may find to bring out the mean streak. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 354545, member: 5096"] Marg, There is NO parent setting up play dates. I don't even know her mom. I could care less if difficult child actively avoids her but if they do cross paths and she wants to join in a GROUP activity then the GROUP had best let her in. We live in a neighborhood that GROUP play is so common that there is no way of not spending time with everyone at some point throughout the week. The kids do not have to be "friends" with each other but they do have to respect each other. If they are angry, they do not bite or otherwise fight. The issue here was not me making difficult child play with someone, the issue is that this girl was inappropriate and as a neighborhood, we will not allow that. I don't believe in ostercising a child over bad behavior. I am not forcing them to play together. difficult child does not have to be friends but he does have to include her when she comes around wanting to join in whatever outdoors game is going on. And he always has to be kind. I will help him out from time to time if he wants to avoid her but it will be on the quiet where it will not hurt her feelings. She will never be made to feel we do not want her around (unless her unwanted behaviors grow too big). Those will mostly be when she comes to the door asking for him and there is no group play going on. He doesn't want to be with her one on one and that is perfectly o.k. I will make a point of touching base with her from time to time when she does come over - letting her know if she is angry with difficult child she can talk to me about it - and communicating with difficult child daily on how things are going in the neighborhood. We should be able to keep an eye on things and get control before anything gets out of hand. difficult child went through a year of bad behavior when he was 11. He came very close in being physical a few times and it frightened his classmates so I think he understands how her frustations make her feel. He has also learned how to deal with that anger without hurting others. He remembers how he felt that year and I think that is what gives him patience with other kids. I was proud (though not at all surprised) when he didn't end up hurting her. Many kids who jump into help their friend will beat up the kid hurting their friend. difficult child's goal was to get both of them away from the angry girl. She does have a mean streak in her but I see enough good in her to allow her to continue to play with difficult child in outdoor neighborhood activities. The more time she can spend in healthy play time (riding bikes, building forts, catching minnows, ect.) the more time she spends away from whatever activities she may find to bring out the mean streak. :) [/QUOTE]
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