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Is therapy really working for anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 362398" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>My difficult child started talk therapy when he just turned 11 years old. He had an anxiety breakdown, very deep, very scary, and was hospitalized for 2 weeks. He took ownership in the therapy working hard at learning and mastering the tools the psychiatric hospital as well as therapist gave him. It was a nightmare to go through but he did it!!! </p><p> </p><p>Through it, I worked with him to figure out what type of person he wanted to be (kind, respectful, ect.). He knew he did not want to continue in the behaviors that he had started to display - strong strong strong need to revenge any wrong - self harm feelings - disrespecting authority. I would tell him that these are choices that HE had to make for himself. I could not tell him to not be a bad person, he has to find it within himself to make the good decisions.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child is one of our best success stories. His success is because HE invested in the therapy sessions. I could provide the opportunites he needed to change but unless he wanted to, nothing would change. He decided to take control of his life. He decided to use the therapy sessions for what they were for, confidential discussions with his therapist, learning new tools, and mastering those tools.</p><p> </p><p>I think for a therapy to succeed on any level, the patient has to want to really listen, freely share, and truely try. Now, for many kids, you will not really see the listening, sharing, trying, but they are still being reached and over time that might show. The hard part is to know how long to give it and if your child is really getting anything out of it. They are picking up tools and hopefully someday will start using them.</p><p> </p><p>I wonder if the therapist would work more on what type of person your child wants to be and less on "you shouldn't do that to your mom and dad"? It is hard to explain but maybe just to say that a strong positive approach from the therapist instead of babytalking/scolding would help? The therapist can come right out and ask, "What kind of person would you like to be when you graduate?" and give some positive words such as, Respected, Strong, Trustworthy, Responsible, ect. Take those answers and see how her behaviors and actions the last few days have measured up. How could she have changed her behaviors to start matching those words? You can tell a child to stop his/her behavior all you want but some of those kids need to be guided into the replacement behavior. Like instead of telling a kid, "Don't run in the hallway" you say, "Use your inside shoes".</p><p> </p><p>However, I know it is hard to ask a therapist to change their approach. difficult child's therapy consists of him meeting with the therapist for about 40 minutes and then I join to recap any info I need to know. We went weekly (one hour drive to get there) for over a year and are now down to once every two to three months. </p><p> </p><p>When all this came to a head, difficult child was unable to leave my side and started to fear even going 5 miles to purchase legos. He has come from that to a trip to New York City this weekend with his aunt and uncle (no parent with!). He is now 13 1/2.</p><p> </p><p>Also need to know that each difficult child is different and my difficult child does not have many of the obsticles of diagnosis that other difficult child's have. Many of the behaviors we see in difficult children are a result of their diagnosis and also medications. My difficult child was on a medication that made his disrespect to authority stronger. As it was working at lowering his level of anxiety, it also pushed his level of boundaries toward authority below the acceptable line. Once taken off this medication, his level of respect returned. At that point I choose academics over socialization to get him through the school year so he was on the medication with the knowledge of the unwanted behaviors. He needed it to get through school that year and was taken off of it ASAP when Summer began bringing less responsibilities.</p><p> </p><p>Your mommy instinct is the very best thing to use in uncertain times. Do you see any glimpses at all of your child benefitting from the therapy? Are you hearing anything you think would be helpful to your child if your child were to start putting it into place? If so, it may be o.k. to continue and hope that although you are not seeing a change in behavior at this point, you can be assured that the right tools are being given for your child to internalize the information and maybe some day use it?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 362398, member: 5096"] My difficult child started talk therapy when he just turned 11 years old. He had an anxiety breakdown, very deep, very scary, and was hospitalized for 2 weeks. He took ownership in the therapy working hard at learning and mastering the tools the psychiatric hospital as well as therapist gave him. It was a nightmare to go through but he did it!!! Through it, I worked with him to figure out what type of person he wanted to be (kind, respectful, ect.). He knew he did not want to continue in the behaviors that he had started to display - strong strong strong need to revenge any wrong - self harm feelings - disrespecting authority. I would tell him that these are choices that HE had to make for himself. I could not tell him to not be a bad person, he has to find it within himself to make the good decisions. difficult child is one of our best success stories. His success is because HE invested in the therapy sessions. I could provide the opportunites he needed to change but unless he wanted to, nothing would change. He decided to take control of his life. He decided to use the therapy sessions for what they were for, confidential discussions with his therapist, learning new tools, and mastering those tools. I think for a therapy to succeed on any level, the patient has to want to really listen, freely share, and truely try. Now, for many kids, you will not really see the listening, sharing, trying, but they are still being reached and over time that might show. The hard part is to know how long to give it and if your child is really getting anything out of it. They are picking up tools and hopefully someday will start using them. I wonder if the therapist would work more on what type of person your child wants to be and less on "you shouldn't do that to your mom and dad"? It is hard to explain but maybe just to say that a strong positive approach from the therapist instead of babytalking/scolding would help? The therapist can come right out and ask, "What kind of person would you like to be when you graduate?" and give some positive words such as, Respected, Strong, Trustworthy, Responsible, ect. Take those answers and see how her behaviors and actions the last few days have measured up. How could she have changed her behaviors to start matching those words? You can tell a child to stop his/her behavior all you want but some of those kids need to be guided into the replacement behavior. Like instead of telling a kid, "Don't run in the hallway" you say, "Use your inside shoes". However, I know it is hard to ask a therapist to change their approach. difficult child's therapy consists of him meeting with the therapist for about 40 minutes and then I join to recap any info I need to know. We went weekly (one hour drive to get there) for over a year and are now down to once every two to three months. When all this came to a head, difficult child was unable to leave my side and started to fear even going 5 miles to purchase legos. He has come from that to a trip to New York City this weekend with his aunt and uncle (no parent with!). He is now 13 1/2. Also need to know that each difficult child is different and my difficult child does not have many of the obsticles of diagnosis that other difficult child's have. Many of the behaviors we see in difficult children are a result of their diagnosis and also medications. My difficult child was on a medication that made his disrespect to authority stronger. As it was working at lowering his level of anxiety, it also pushed his level of boundaries toward authority below the acceptable line. Once taken off this medication, his level of respect returned. At that point I choose academics over socialization to get him through the school year so he was on the medication with the knowledge of the unwanted behaviors. He needed it to get through school that year and was taken off of it ASAP when Summer began bringing less responsibilities. Your mommy instinct is the very best thing to use in uncertain times. Do you see any glimpses at all of your child benefitting from the therapy? Are you hearing anything you think would be helpful to your child if your child were to start putting it into place? If so, it may be o.k. to continue and hope that although you are not seeing a change in behavior at this point, you can be assured that the right tools are being given for your child to internalize the information and maybe some day use it? [/QUOTE]
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