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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 557999" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Would I make those choices your SO is making? Not entirely ....but do I pick and choose my battles and change things in very measured and planned out steps? Absolutely. You have this Learning Disability (LD) diagnosis which is great! But often issues like this are among others, some with labels and some mystery issues. I can't see signatures on my phone so I'm not sure what else you said he has? Did you say he was on the autism spectrum? That is associated with serious neurological issues including (or resulting in) behavior challenges which vary widely. Not saying he has no responsibility to behave well but he needs very different teaching and explanations than only taking things away especially since by now the perseverative behavior is very entrenched. </p><p>I understand you are in a role of step parent but are not actually so yet, correct? You do have a right to not be disrespected and to care and help but given the dramatic challenge this is I would think you might want to establish the boundary of supporting but not making decisions. It would stink to not agree for sure but that discussion needs to be between you and so and in the end it's his call. Many of us would agree with your ideas and then many of us have had to make choices or have allowed less than desirable behaviors as the lesser of evils or based on events that developed over time. </p><p>I think its unfair of SO to expect you to step into that role and special needs or not he may need some education on blending families. Your heart clearly cares for this family but your words say that you are very dissolutioned with how things are turning out. SO not allowing you to cook because you're not as good and his sleeping when he has a child who needs direct supervision (happens to people once in a while but you made it sound like a habit ) sounds like you two have some serious philosophical differences that if not cleared up could result in you truly suffering. That kind of situation just wouldn't be healthy for either child. This is hard enough for couples with their own children. </p><p>I feel for you, and your SO and the kids. I'm truly sorry this is such a struggle.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 557999, member: 12886"] Would I make those choices your SO is making? Not entirely ....but do I pick and choose my battles and change things in very measured and planned out steps? Absolutely. You have this Learning Disability (LD) diagnosis which is great! But often issues like this are among others, some with labels and some mystery issues. I can't see signatures on my phone so I'm not sure what else you said he has? Did you say he was on the autism spectrum? That is associated with serious neurological issues including (or resulting in) behavior challenges which vary widely. Not saying he has no responsibility to behave well but he needs very different teaching and explanations than only taking things away especially since by now the perseverative behavior is very entrenched. I understand you are in a role of step parent but are not actually so yet, correct? You do have a right to not be disrespected and to care and help but given the dramatic challenge this is I would think you might want to establish the boundary of supporting but not making decisions. It would stink to not agree for sure but that discussion needs to be between you and so and in the end it's his call. Many of us would agree with your ideas and then many of us have had to make choices or have allowed less than desirable behaviors as the lesser of evils or based on events that developed over time. I think its unfair of SO to expect you to step into that role and special needs or not he may need some education on blending families. Your heart clearly cares for this family but your words say that you are very dissolutioned with how things are turning out. SO not allowing you to cook because you're not as good and his sleeping when he has a child who needs direct supervision (happens to people once in a while but you made it sound like a habit ) sounds like you two have some serious philosophical differences that if not cleared up could result in you truly suffering. That kind of situation just wouldn't be healthy for either child. This is hard enough for couples with their own children. I feel for you, and your SO and the kids. I'm truly sorry this is such a struggle. [/QUOTE]
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