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<blockquote data-quote="Marcie Mac" data-source="post: 558065" data-attributes="member: 47"><p>When my SO moved in with us, I had ground rules in place prior to that. He knew that difficult child had "problems" but I think to what extent blew him away and even with disussions beforehand it wasn't a smooth transition and I kept having to tell him to back off, he was not difficult child's father and the military upbringing he had and thought difficult child should have didn't mesh well. To keep resentment down as far as difficult child went, I was the disaplanarian and when melt downs started, he was to retreat to our bedroom and let me handle it - his appearance on the scene just upped the ante <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> </p><p></p><p>It is really difficult to handle relationships when there is a difficult child involved. Divorces are rampid due to the stress. difficult child was one, not all of the factors, but a major one, involved in mine. Your SO sounds a lot like my X (who is from Huddersfield by the way LOL) I am not an advocate of the "leave them and weep" group when it comes to involvement with difficult children. If someone is willing to stay and able to work with the situation. its a win win for difficult child's, but gotta tell you, its a long hard road getting everyone on the same page, and calls for the utmost strength from the two of you. Is there any way that your SO would go to counceling with you? My X would never go as he felt it was an "american" thing and totally useless - he felt a heavy hand would get him in line..sigh </p><p></p><p>SO and I are comming up on 18 years together and consider myself very lucky we still have a really good relationship despite the raising of difficult child, although he more qualifies for a difficult child/easy child status now that he is in his late 20's. I hope you can get your SO's mindset changed about how to handle eating issues, video games, etc. He really needs to be in charge and use less of the "he can't help it". There are some things, its true, he can't help, but your SO needs to be more active in making him realize he can.</p><p></p><p>Good luck</p><p>Marcie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marcie Mac, post: 558065, member: 47"] When my SO moved in with us, I had ground rules in place prior to that. He knew that difficult child had "problems" but I think to what extent blew him away and even with disussions beforehand it wasn't a smooth transition and I kept having to tell him to back off, he was not difficult child's father and the military upbringing he had and thought difficult child should have didn't mesh well. To keep resentment down as far as difficult child went, I was the disaplanarian and when melt downs started, he was to retreat to our bedroom and let me handle it - his appearance on the scene just upped the ante :( It is really difficult to handle relationships when there is a difficult child involved. Divorces are rampid due to the stress. difficult child was one, not all of the factors, but a major one, involved in mine. Your SO sounds a lot like my X (who is from Huddersfield by the way LOL) I am not an advocate of the "leave them and weep" group when it comes to involvement with difficult children. If someone is willing to stay and able to work with the situation. its a win win for difficult child's, but gotta tell you, its a long hard road getting everyone on the same page, and calls for the utmost strength from the two of you. Is there any way that your SO would go to counceling with you? My X would never go as he felt it was an "american" thing and totally useless - he felt a heavy hand would get him in line..sigh SO and I are comming up on 18 years together and consider myself very lucky we still have a really good relationship despite the raising of difficult child, although he more qualifies for a difficult child/easy child status now that he is in his late 20's. I hope you can get your SO's mindset changed about how to handle eating issues, video games, etc. He really needs to be in charge and use less of the "he can't help it". There are some things, its true, he can't help, but your SO needs to be more active in making him realize he can. Good luck Marcie [/QUOTE]
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