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Is this normal behavior?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 338076" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I fully agree with you. Even if you had been home-schooling her for several years and she was 8 years old now, I would still highly recommend you don't immediately blame home schooling.</p><p></p><p>Mind you, there is home schooling and home schooling. difficult child 3 is a correspondence student, which means he works from home with me supervising him. He can choose what worksheets he will do today and if he chooses to change to a different subject, he can do this if and when he wants to. But he has good worksheets, plus teachers he can telephone or email if he has a query I can't help him with. PLus he does get out to meet other students when we have Study Days (which are optional).</p><p></p><p>A friend of mine recently chose to home-school her sons. She pulled them out of school and let them stay home. She was very laid back about it. She would give her older son a book of maths problems to do, she would encourage her younger son to read a book to her. But I know form seeing this - if the phone rang, she would talk for hours and the kids would look after themselves. mostly playing in the backyard. They also had to mind the baby when Mum wasn't paying attention. Or if it was a nice day they would go for a walk. She considered these walks to be vital to their education, which they would have been if she had used the opportunity to actually TEACH anything. But most of the time the kids would be idle and they simply would maybe go to the beach and make sandcastles, or collect shells. Often not even that. It was all lovely for the kids and they were fairly happy, but bored and not stimulated. Recently the elder son asked to be sent back to school.</p><p></p><p>You seem to have really sussed things out, though. All I'm pointing out - a lot of people don't fully understand what home-schooling is, and could be thinking that you are like my friend when you are clearly not.</p><p></p><p>And as for home schooling being bad for kids socially - Nope. I know it's the standard propaganda line, but if it's done properly, then home schooling can BOOST social skills.</p><p> The sort of environment that does not provide good home schooling is the same sort of home environment that would be bad for the kid socially anyway, mainstream or not.</p><p></p><p>I believe you are right to be concerned. If you can, get your husband to lurk here too (or post if he wants to) because it can help you to both read what other people have experienced as well as to both read your posts and the responses to them.</p><p></p><p>You've had some good advice so far. Some tips on where to begin, in finding out what could be the problem. Some great books to read. And validation.</p><p></p><p>I don't know for sure, because some of the things you have said worry me more, you say you don't know where she gets these words from, like "stupid". That worries me a lot. She has to be getting it from somewhere, it has a bigger influence on her than you like but you don't know? That is a worry. Not that you lack the knowledge of who is in contact with your daughter, more that she has picked up something and you can't identify the source. In other words - my concern isn't bad or overly-casual parenting, it's that somewhere, somehow, something is having an undue influence on your daughter, unknown to you.</p><p></p><p>Why are you home-schooling her? Remember, I am not critical, just curious. Your reasons could have been a gut thing, or you could have already carefully reasoned out this. But it also could have a bearing.</p><p></p><p>I must admit, I also was thinking about possibly Asperger's. But there are still too many questions.</p><p></p><p>I guess the first things first, in what you can do -</p><p></p><p>1) Get her evaluated NOW, yesterday if possible. She needs a neuropsychologist assessment (probably a good idea with the home schooling anyway - it gives you a baseline to refer back to in the future, something to point to and say, "she started here.") Also I would suggest you throw in a good Speech pathology assessment. You want to look not just for whether there is receptive or expressive language delay, you want to really dig down into the fine detail of her current language capabilities. If you get this done first it would be good - feed this info to the neuropsychologist.</p><p></p><p>Next (or actually, first - do this after you make the appointments, but before you see anybody) - read "Explosive Child". In fact, go up now, after you read this, and check out the Sticky at the top of tis forum. Do it now. Trust me - it helps. I do wonder if your current problems with her are being aggravated by your interpretation of her behaviour. You are interpreting her behaviour from the perspective of her being a normal kid, a easy child. And she definitely is not. The more you judge her from a "normal" perspective, the worse this can become. "Explosive Child" can help you turn this around and improve things as far as they can improve. I can't tell you how fat that will be - but what will be left, is whatever the underlying issue is. I say "issue" and not "problem" because it actually may not be a problem.</p><p></p><p>You only have the one child. No others. Yet. It would help to have some answers before this next one is born, because there could be a bearing on the baby. Not only on whether the baby will have similar issues, but also on how she will connect with the baby. So many things. PLus you will be busier after the baby is born, you need answers NOW.</p><p></p><p>When I say "issue", I'm thinking it could be Asperger's, it could be any one of a number of other disorders, or it could be that she is simply a highly intelligent child possibly with some Aspie traits (which happens fairly frequently especially with really bright kids). Having an exceptionally bright child is something a lot of parents think they would embrace joyfully - trust me, it's no bed of roses. it's very challenging, because you're not raising a typical child by any means. But is it a problem? Not necessarily. However, I believe that the same sort of vigilance needed to support a child with serious learning problems or some sort of disability, is also needed if you are raising an exceptionally bright child. They need a great deal more stimulation and support than the average child. Even a self-starter bright kid needs a lot more and shouldn't be simply left to learn at his/her own pace.</p><p></p><p>The assessments I recommended will help identify where she fits into the scheme of things. </p><p>The book will help you find ways to understand and manage her behaviour, but in ways which I feel have a greater chance than the usual parenting methods which we were all raised by. Yousound like you've already tried those, and tey don't work. And if something doesn't work - you replace it!</p><p></p><p>Welcome, sorry you need us. But definitely, we can help. Even if it's just a sounding board of parents with similar experiences.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 338076, member: 1991"] I fully agree with you. Even if you had been home-schooling her for several years and she was 8 years old now, I would still highly recommend you don't immediately blame home schooling. Mind you, there is home schooling and home schooling. difficult child 3 is a correspondence student, which means he works from home with me supervising him. He can choose what worksheets he will do today and if he chooses to change to a different subject, he can do this if and when he wants to. But he has good worksheets, plus teachers he can telephone or email if he has a query I can't help him with. PLus he does get out to meet other students when we have Study Days (which are optional). A friend of mine recently chose to home-school her sons. She pulled them out of school and let them stay home. She was very laid back about it. She would give her older son a book of maths problems to do, she would encourage her younger son to read a book to her. But I know form seeing this - if the phone rang, she would talk for hours and the kids would look after themselves. mostly playing in the backyard. They also had to mind the baby when Mum wasn't paying attention. Or if it was a nice day they would go for a walk. She considered these walks to be vital to their education, which they would have been if she had used the opportunity to actually TEACH anything. But most of the time the kids would be idle and they simply would maybe go to the beach and make sandcastles, or collect shells. Often not even that. It was all lovely for the kids and they were fairly happy, but bored and not stimulated. Recently the elder son asked to be sent back to school. You seem to have really sussed things out, though. All I'm pointing out - a lot of people don't fully understand what home-schooling is, and could be thinking that you are like my friend when you are clearly not. And as for home schooling being bad for kids socially - Nope. I know it's the standard propaganda line, but if it's done properly, then home schooling can BOOST social skills. The sort of environment that does not provide good home schooling is the same sort of home environment that would be bad for the kid socially anyway, mainstream or not. I believe you are right to be concerned. If you can, get your husband to lurk here too (or post if he wants to) because it can help you to both read what other people have experienced as well as to both read your posts and the responses to them. You've had some good advice so far. Some tips on where to begin, in finding out what could be the problem. Some great books to read. And validation. I don't know for sure, because some of the things you have said worry me more, you say you don't know where she gets these words from, like "stupid". That worries me a lot. She has to be getting it from somewhere, it has a bigger influence on her than you like but you don't know? That is a worry. Not that you lack the knowledge of who is in contact with your daughter, more that she has picked up something and you can't identify the source. In other words - my concern isn't bad or overly-casual parenting, it's that somewhere, somehow, something is having an undue influence on your daughter, unknown to you. Why are you home-schooling her? Remember, I am not critical, just curious. Your reasons could have been a gut thing, or you could have already carefully reasoned out this. But it also could have a bearing. I must admit, I also was thinking about possibly Asperger's. But there are still too many questions. I guess the first things first, in what you can do - 1) Get her evaluated NOW, yesterday if possible. She needs a neuropsychologist assessment (probably a good idea with the home schooling anyway - it gives you a baseline to refer back to in the future, something to point to and say, "she started here.") Also I would suggest you throw in a good Speech pathology assessment. You want to look not just for whether there is receptive or expressive language delay, you want to really dig down into the fine detail of her current language capabilities. If you get this done first it would be good - feed this info to the neuropsychologist. Next (or actually, first - do this after you make the appointments, but before you see anybody) - read "Explosive Child". In fact, go up now, after you read this, and check out the Sticky at the top of tis forum. Do it now. Trust me - it helps. I do wonder if your current problems with her are being aggravated by your interpretation of her behaviour. You are interpreting her behaviour from the perspective of her being a normal kid, a easy child. And she definitely is not. The more you judge her from a "normal" perspective, the worse this can become. "Explosive Child" can help you turn this around and improve things as far as they can improve. I can't tell you how fat that will be - but what will be left, is whatever the underlying issue is. I say "issue" and not "problem" because it actually may not be a problem. You only have the one child. No others. Yet. It would help to have some answers before this next one is born, because there could be a bearing on the baby. Not only on whether the baby will have similar issues, but also on how she will connect with the baby. So many things. PLus you will be busier after the baby is born, you need answers NOW. When I say "issue", I'm thinking it could be Asperger's, it could be any one of a number of other disorders, or it could be that she is simply a highly intelligent child possibly with some Aspie traits (which happens fairly frequently especially with really bright kids). Having an exceptionally bright child is something a lot of parents think they would embrace joyfully - trust me, it's no bed of roses. it's very challenging, because you're not raising a typical child by any means. But is it a problem? Not necessarily. However, I believe that the same sort of vigilance needed to support a child with serious learning problems or some sort of disability, is also needed if you are raising an exceptionally bright child. They need a great deal more stimulation and support than the average child. Even a self-starter bright kid needs a lot more and shouldn't be simply left to learn at his/her own pace. The assessments I recommended will help identify where she fits into the scheme of things. The book will help you find ways to understand and manage her behaviour, but in ways which I feel have a greater chance than the usual parenting methods which we were all raised by. Yousound like you've already tried those, and tey don't work. And if something doesn't work - you replace it! Welcome, sorry you need us. But definitely, we can help. Even if it's just a sounding board of parents with similar experiences. Marg [/QUOTE]
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