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...is this still enabling?
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 749404" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Thanks BusyMember. </p><p></p><p>He is intermittently nice but that’s only when I give him what he wants. When I get strong and resist enabling the “knives” come out as someone else put it. His pattern of not working has been a longstanding- decade long problem. I too have bought cars pd security deposits rent food etc. each time hoping this was the next piece to vault him into a successful life. But nothing changes. Excuses are plentiful as to why he can’t find a job. It’s exhausting. As a mom I remember what a very good boy he was. He was never in any trouble up until 18 yrs old he was a model son. He had a bad coming out of his homosexuality at that age and drugs ensued for a couple of yrs. To my knowledge he doesn’t use drugs anymore but would like to blame his alcoholic father and me for his inability to have a good life and the way he was ousted by his father during that time. Of course I have enough guilt to easily back his thinking which continues to cripple his confidence that he can handle his own life. You see I know my enabling is wrong but it also feels so wrong not to “help”. Wish I could get off the merry go round like I was able to do with my ex husband and his alcoholism. You see I know I have to be the change in the situation but with sons... it’s more difficult for me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 749404, member: 23405"] Thanks BusyMember. He is intermittently nice but that’s only when I give him what he wants. When I get strong and resist enabling the “knives” come out as someone else put it. His pattern of not working has been a longstanding- decade long problem. I too have bought cars pd security deposits rent food etc. each time hoping this was the next piece to vault him into a successful life. But nothing changes. Excuses are plentiful as to why he can’t find a job. It’s exhausting. As a mom I remember what a very good boy he was. He was never in any trouble up until 18 yrs old he was a model son. He had a bad coming out of his homosexuality at that age and drugs ensued for a couple of yrs. To my knowledge he doesn’t use drugs anymore but would like to blame his alcoholic father and me for his inability to have a good life and the way he was ousted by his father during that time. Of course I have enough guilt to easily back his thinking which continues to cripple his confidence that he can handle his own life. You see I know my enabling is wrong but it also feels so wrong not to “help”. Wish I could get off the merry go round like I was able to do with my ex husband and his alcoholism. You see I know I have to be the change in the situation but with sons... it’s more difficult for me. [/QUOTE]
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