Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Is this the right place?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="aninom" data-source="post: 322100" data-attributes="member: 8513"><p>Thank you so much! Just being able to share makes me that little bit calmer.</p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>"Antisocial personality disorder", last thing I heard (I haven't lived with my family for a very long time due to the situation that developed at home, but I talk to my mom every day). She's not on any medications or any therapeutic course anymore, being 30 by now, but she has been in and out of that whole rigmarole including forced institutionalization before. </p><p> </p><p>She seems a bit better at retaining friendships, and has so far not dropped out or disregarded her current try at school, too much anyway. We're crossing our fingers in that regard. The rest of her symptoms however, especially her behavior towards us closest to her (because she knows we will forgive her, won't file charges, give her money anyway etc) hasn't changed at all. </p><p> </p><p>She can be extremely charming and agreeable, but this usually lasts for 2, 3 hours at the beginning of the visit, if I haven't seen her in a long time (I think she goes into "charming a stranger" mode). It quickly escalates into the usual repertoire of behavior, though.</p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>Good question (bitter? Not me!).</p><p> </p><p>Our family had to escape a conflict in our home country. My sister visits this country regularly still, and I am now here myself to regain the language while I do my internship. We have access to an apartment.</p><p> </p><p>When she heard I would be staying here for the spring, she got it in her head to do the same. She would be coming here mainly to party it up with her friends - which she has many of here - while having an "internship" herself. I know she would never want to / be able to actually procure, even less hold down, a job, here. She seems to implicitly acknowledge this herself, seeing as how she has been demanding I give her my cell number and then, when her professors from school call, pretend to be the secretary of some mid-size NGO ("tell them 'she is a fantastic worker, we love having her, she for sure has a job with us and she is great...'" - she had a script ready for me and everything. I refused).</p><p> </p><p>As for her actually paying for her own basic maintenance, all of her money coming from 20% student loan and 80% mom anyway, well... </p><p> </p><p>This would be such a disaster, if she chose to continue here throughout spring, especially with zero job prospects: she'd get stuck in that party-party-violence spiral again, drop out of school again. We've seen it too many times before. And she is still just as "what, me?" about it as the previos 12 times. She has close to zero self-awareness, and explodes if you imply she is taking a wrong turn again: to her mind, she has never screwed up anything, and she will blankly deny ever having had any issues or episodes.</p><p> </p><p>I want to have a strategy for when she comes here in winter. I want to know the magic words, and the magic way of saying those magic words, to convince her to find a job, and preferrably elsewhere - she just has no, NO brakes whatsoever when it comes to family, and that is extremely unhealthy for both of us. I've already found her some possibilities, but the question is how to present them, and I'm not sure she even wants any. The issue is actually just bringing it up in the first place - her actually listening, her actually listening without exploding, her exploding without it having the effect of setting her behavior back even more.</p><p> </p><p>Sorry for the rant! I'm just at a loss for what the best way to deal with this is. I do know that whatever strategy I develop, I have to stick to from day one, hour one.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aninom, post: 322100, member: 8513"] Thank you so much! Just being able to share makes me that little bit calmer. "Antisocial personality disorder", last thing I heard (I haven't lived with my family for a very long time due to the situation that developed at home, but I talk to my mom every day). She's not on any medications or any therapeutic course anymore, being 30 by now, but she has been in and out of that whole rigmarole including forced institutionalization before. She seems a bit better at retaining friendships, and has so far not dropped out or disregarded her current try at school, too much anyway. We're crossing our fingers in that regard. The rest of her symptoms however, especially her behavior towards us closest to her (because she knows we will forgive her, won't file charges, give her money anyway etc) hasn't changed at all. She can be extremely charming and agreeable, but this usually lasts for 2, 3 hours at the beginning of the visit, if I haven't seen her in a long time (I think she goes into "charming a stranger" mode). It quickly escalates into the usual repertoire of behavior, though. Good question (bitter? Not me!). Our family had to escape a conflict in our home country. My sister visits this country regularly still, and I am now here myself to regain the language while I do my internship. We have access to an apartment. When she heard I would be staying here for the spring, she got it in her head to do the same. She would be coming here mainly to party it up with her friends - which she has many of here - while having an "internship" herself. I know she would never want to / be able to actually procure, even less hold down, a job, here. She seems to implicitly acknowledge this herself, seeing as how she has been demanding I give her my cell number and then, when her professors from school call, pretend to be the secretary of some mid-size NGO ("tell them 'she is a fantastic worker, we love having her, she for sure has a job with us and she is great...'" - she had a script ready for me and everything. I refused). As for her actually paying for her own basic maintenance, all of her money coming from 20% student loan and 80% mom anyway, well... This would be such a disaster, if she chose to continue here throughout spring, especially with zero job prospects: she'd get stuck in that party-party-violence spiral again, drop out of school again. We've seen it too many times before. And she is still just as "what, me?" about it as the previos 12 times. She has close to zero self-awareness, and explodes if you imply she is taking a wrong turn again: to her mind, she has never screwed up anything, and she will blankly deny ever having had any issues or episodes. I want to have a strategy for when she comes here in winter. I want to know the magic words, and the magic way of saying those magic words, to convince her to find a job, and preferrably elsewhere - she just has no, NO brakes whatsoever when it comes to family, and that is extremely unhealthy for both of us. I've already found her some possibilities, but the question is how to present them, and I'm not sure she even wants any. The issue is actually just bringing it up in the first place - her actually listening, her actually listening without exploding, her exploding without it having the effect of setting her behavior back even more. Sorry for the rant! I'm just at a loss for what the best way to deal with this is. I do know that whatever strategy I develop, I have to stick to from day one, hour one. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Is this the right place?
Top