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<blockquote data-quote="aninom" data-source="post: 322156" data-attributes="member: 8513"><p>Oh, by late dinner and eye contact, I meant more that she gets upset if everything is not exactly the way she wants it to be; if we take her to a restaurant, she will explode into a harangue on what a terrible mother she has that won't cook for her - if dinner is made for her, she will say that it tastes terrible, we don't love her, it's cold and served too late, why do we hate her, are we trying to poison her etc. Same thing with any kind of "look" she doesn't like, as in, "what does THAT look mean? why are you looking at me like that?" It takes so little. It's like holding your breath on tippy-toe anytime you are around her.</p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>It's my parents apartment, they are planning to move back to this country when they retire. It's technically not completely ours yet which is why it's even more of an issue when she breaks things. Last year, we got a hysterical call from her about how the living room furniture mom had selected was terrible, horrible, she's a retard with no taste, all her friends will think we are poor (well, we ARE), etc. She then proceeded to quite creatively "redecorate".</p><p> </p><p>She usually takes my parents' room - if we are all here together, we end up sleeping on the couches and mattresses (ridiculous, I know, but mom insists it's just less fuss to fold and in the moment it's hard to disagree) - but there is an extra bedroom that I've now gotten a bed for. I have a key for it, at least.</p><p> </p><p>The picture I'm painting may seem pretty bleak, but she's not just this evil dictator. When she has a good day, and she does sometimes, she truly is a lovely person, smart, funny, charming. It's the other 99% of the time that is hard.</p><p> </p><p>I've tried being pliant, confrontative, reason with her, talk about what really is the reason she explodes, be supportive, be completely blank. Nothing seems to work, but I know that SOMETHING has to, I've just never tried anything long and consistently enough for it to pay off.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aninom, post: 322156, member: 8513"] Oh, by late dinner and eye contact, I meant more that she gets upset if everything is not exactly the way she wants it to be; if we take her to a restaurant, she will explode into a harangue on what a terrible mother she has that won't cook for her - if dinner is made for her, she will say that it tastes terrible, we don't love her, it's cold and served too late, why do we hate her, are we trying to poison her etc. Same thing with any kind of "look" she doesn't like, as in, "what does THAT look mean? why are you looking at me like that?" It takes so little. It's like holding your breath on tippy-toe anytime you are around her. It's my parents apartment, they are planning to move back to this country when they retire. It's technically not completely ours yet which is why it's even more of an issue when she breaks things. Last year, we got a hysterical call from her about how the living room furniture mom had selected was terrible, horrible, she's a retard with no taste, all her friends will think we are poor (well, we ARE), etc. She then proceeded to quite creatively "redecorate". She usually takes my parents' room - if we are all here together, we end up sleeping on the couches and mattresses (ridiculous, I know, but mom insists it's just less fuss to fold and in the moment it's hard to disagree) - but there is an extra bedroom that I've now gotten a bed for. I have a key for it, at least. The picture I'm painting may seem pretty bleak, but she's not just this evil dictator. When she has a good day, and she does sometimes, she truly is a lovely person, smart, funny, charming. It's the other 99% of the time that is hard. I've tried being pliant, confrontative, reason with her, talk about what really is the reason she explodes, be supportive, be completely blank. Nothing seems to work, but I know that SOMETHING has to, I've just never tried anything long and consistently enough for it to pay off. [/QUOTE]
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