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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 322328" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Oh, sweetie, you are most definitely welcome here. This is quite a situation you are in. First off, what are YOUR priorities? To do well in your work (school, internship), to build some relationships with people at work and from other places? To have a generally peaceful life without huge truckloads of conflama (conflict + drama = conflama)?</p><p></p><p>Given those goals, what is forcing you to take your abusive 30 year old sister into your home? Why can she not have her own apartment, maybe near you, to keep her drama in? Why would you say yes to ahving her there?</p><p></p><p>If your parents are pressuring you financially, can you get loans and another job to cover what they will take away if you refuse to house your sister?</p><p></p><p>If her name is not on the lease you CAN refuse to let her enter. Tell her to go to this "wonderful" family or someone else. </p><p></p><p>If she EVER is violent call the police. It is NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU are not to blame for her actions. You, being her sister, are NOT her permanent cleanup crew. If you continue the way you are, NOTHING will keep her from behaving the way she has been.</p><p></p><p>PLEASE go to al anon and narc anon. I am sure sub abuse is part of the picture - it almost always is, esp with partying. You will learn, over time, that you are NOT responsible for her. All that you and your parents are doing is HELPING her continue her behaviors. </p><p></p><p>If you let her come, set out rules for being a roommate. Tell her any loud parties, parties that last after 10 pm (because you have to be at work the next day), taking/using/damaging any of your things, hurting any animal you may have, etc... will result in kicking her out. Just don't say it if you won't do it. Stick to whatever you say 100%.</p><p></p><p>If you cannot stick to it, don't say it. It will just undermine everything.</p><p></p><p>You are going to have to work to sort out your relationship with your mother, father and sister. They may choose to enable her, but they should absolutely not require YOU to sacrifice your life for hers. You did NOT give birth to her. It will be hard. IF you can stick to it you have a chance at a decent relationship with them in the future - IF they can draw some lines for your sister also. </p><p></p><p>Restraining orders are your friend. It is NOT your fault, no matter what ANYONE says, if she is aggressive enough to warrant a restraining order or if she ends up in jail because she CHOSE to violate the restraining order.</p><p></p><p>The refusal to take responsibility may never change. It won't change, for sure, if everyone cleans up after her. </p><p></p><p>I don't know what country you are in, so I don't know what protections are there, but we will help you as much as we can.</p><p></p><p>To get to the Parents Emeritus section you go to the top of this page and on the right hand side, under where it says Conduct Disorders you will see "Support for parents > Main > General " Click on Main and it will take you to the index. Then just scroll down and click on Parents Emeritus.</p><p></p><p>Many hugs. It is a hard situation to navigate. But it is YOUR life and YOUR priorities, not your parents or sisters, should guide your actions.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 322328, member: 1233"] Oh, sweetie, you are most definitely welcome here. This is quite a situation you are in. First off, what are YOUR priorities? To do well in your work (school, internship), to build some relationships with people at work and from other places? To have a generally peaceful life without huge truckloads of conflama (conflict + drama = conflama)? Given those goals, what is forcing you to take your abusive 30 year old sister into your home? Why can she not have her own apartment, maybe near you, to keep her drama in? Why would you say yes to ahving her there? If your parents are pressuring you financially, can you get loans and another job to cover what they will take away if you refuse to house your sister? If her name is not on the lease you CAN refuse to let her enter. Tell her to go to this "wonderful" family or someone else. If she EVER is violent call the police. It is NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU are not to blame for her actions. You, being her sister, are NOT her permanent cleanup crew. If you continue the way you are, NOTHING will keep her from behaving the way she has been. PLEASE go to al anon and narc anon. I am sure sub abuse is part of the picture - it almost always is, esp with partying. You will learn, over time, that you are NOT responsible for her. All that you and your parents are doing is HELPING her continue her behaviors. If you let her come, set out rules for being a roommate. Tell her any loud parties, parties that last after 10 pm (because you have to be at work the next day), taking/using/damaging any of your things, hurting any animal you may have, etc... will result in kicking her out. Just don't say it if you won't do it. Stick to whatever you say 100%. If you cannot stick to it, don't say it. It will just undermine everything. You are going to have to work to sort out your relationship with your mother, father and sister. They may choose to enable her, but they should absolutely not require YOU to sacrifice your life for hers. You did NOT give birth to her. It will be hard. IF you can stick to it you have a chance at a decent relationship with them in the future - IF they can draw some lines for your sister also. Restraining orders are your friend. It is NOT your fault, no matter what ANYONE says, if she is aggressive enough to warrant a restraining order or if she ends up in jail because she CHOSE to violate the restraining order. The refusal to take responsibility may never change. It won't change, for sure, if everyone cleans up after her. I don't know what country you are in, so I don't know what protections are there, but we will help you as much as we can. To get to the Parents Emeritus section you go to the top of this page and on the right hand side, under where it says Conduct Disorders you will see "Support for parents > Main > General " Click on Main and it will take you to the index. Then just scroll down and click on Parents Emeritus. Many hugs. It is a hard situation to navigate. But it is YOUR life and YOUR priorities, not your parents or sisters, should guide your actions. [/QUOTE]
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