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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 349290" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Try to not let concerns about expense affect your decisions. Obviously you have to be able to afford it, but what I mean is - don't compare your sons with "I spent this much on X, therefore I have to match it dollar for dollar on Y."</p><p></p><p>Your son at home needs to see that you will fight for ANY of your children. Make that clear to him, especially since he may be feeling his brother is on an expensive holiday camp.</p><p></p><p>When/if you go to HI, does little brother come too? Although it is for big bro, there could still be a chance for you all (those remaining) to spend some quality relaxing time together as well.</p><p></p><p>You needn't stay anywhere expensive, either. Make enquiries, see if there is someone at your church who can set up some sort of host family arrangement for you there, or maybe rent a cheap apartment for a week or two. We did that when we travelled to Greece about 20 years ago. Of course there were times when we had to stay in a (more expensive) hotel, but the bulk of our stay on Crete was in a cheaper apartment. We had to do our own cooking, but it was fun going out to buy our groceries each day. No washing machine so we used the grape stomp method with the kids in the bathtub - it was high summer and very hot, the kids loved to cool off by doing the washing.</p><p>We were there for father in law, who was making his last trip to visit his friends from WWII, the ones who had saved his life and hid him while he was on the run (escaped POW). So we had a purpose to be there, it wasn't just a holiday. Our kids were really too young to appreciate it, we would have preferred to delay our trip until they could get some value from it. But I am glad we went, it was a very important time for us in many unexpected ways.</p><p></p><p>It is not possible to treat both your kids the same. Treating both your kids fairly does NOT mean matching dollar for dollar. It means making sure that they know they are all loved equally.</p><p></p><p>Remember the prodigal son parable? Think what the father said to the faithful son, who at first refused to come into the house. He said to him, "All I have is yours." In other words, "your place in my heart and as far as inheriting from me is secure."</p><p>Spending money for a special purpose to help, or celebrate a more wayward child - that is entirely different and should never be seen as an indication you love one more than the other.</p><p></p><p>Reassure your younger son and perhaps involve him in the decisions you have to make. I think that, above so much else, will help him see how much you trust him, you respect him and you love him. It will also help him feel involved and very much part of the family. At 13 he's not too young for this.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 349290, member: 1991"] Try to not let concerns about expense affect your decisions. Obviously you have to be able to afford it, but what I mean is - don't compare your sons with "I spent this much on X, therefore I have to match it dollar for dollar on Y." Your son at home needs to see that you will fight for ANY of your children. Make that clear to him, especially since he may be feeling his brother is on an expensive holiday camp. When/if you go to HI, does little brother come too? Although it is for big bro, there could still be a chance for you all (those remaining) to spend some quality relaxing time together as well. You needn't stay anywhere expensive, either. Make enquiries, see if there is someone at your church who can set up some sort of host family arrangement for you there, or maybe rent a cheap apartment for a week or two. We did that when we travelled to Greece about 20 years ago. Of course there were times when we had to stay in a (more expensive) hotel, but the bulk of our stay on Crete was in a cheaper apartment. We had to do our own cooking, but it was fun going out to buy our groceries each day. No washing machine so we used the grape stomp method with the kids in the bathtub - it was high summer and very hot, the kids loved to cool off by doing the washing. We were there for father in law, who was making his last trip to visit his friends from WWII, the ones who had saved his life and hid him while he was on the run (escaped POW). So we had a purpose to be there, it wasn't just a holiday. Our kids were really too young to appreciate it, we would have preferred to delay our trip until they could get some value from it. But I am glad we went, it was a very important time for us in many unexpected ways. It is not possible to treat both your kids the same. Treating both your kids fairly does NOT mean matching dollar for dollar. It means making sure that they know they are all loved equally. Remember the prodigal son parable? Think what the father said to the faithful son, who at first refused to come into the house. He said to him, "All I have is yours." In other words, "your place in my heart and as far as inheriting from me is secure." Spending money for a special purpose to help, or celebrate a more wayward child - that is entirely different and should never be seen as an indication you love one more than the other. Reassure your younger son and perhaps involve him in the decisions you have to make. I think that, above so much else, will help him see how much you trust him, you respect him and you love him. It will also help him feel involved and very much part of the family. At 13 he's not too young for this. Marg [/QUOTE]
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