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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 740371" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I have been here many times with my son. Those awkward conversations and the silence. I imagine in those silent moments my son was probably waiting for me to offer him help. Here's the thing, if my son, your son or any other adult child wants help they need to be willing to ask for it. They also need to know that the answer may be no, especially from those who have gone above and beyond to try and help them before. Even though they are adults, they continue to act like a child. They want to do what they want to do but without the reality of consequence. They want mommy and daddy to continue funding and enabling them and that is not good for anyone.</p><p>Your son may feel like you have abandoned him but that is on him. You have not abandoned him. He is an adult. He has made his own choices and there are natural consequences. You are not cold or withholding. </p><p>Let's just say that you or I had a million dollars to give to our sons. Money would never be an issue for them again. What would their lives look like? Would the money suddenly resolve all their issues? No, I do not believe it would. For my son, I would imagine he would blow through it fairly quickly as he has yet to learn the real value of money. Money and things will never help our adult children. Until our adult children get sick and tired of making poor choices and having to deal with the natural consequences of those choices they will never change. It is through life's struggles that we grow. We need to allow our adult children to struggle and find their own way. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there Elsi. ((HUGS)) to you.............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 740371, member: 18516"] I have been here many times with my son. Those awkward conversations and the silence. I imagine in those silent moments my son was probably waiting for me to offer him help. Here's the thing, if my son, your son or any other adult child wants help they need to be willing to ask for it. They also need to know that the answer may be no, especially from those who have gone above and beyond to try and help them before. Even though they are adults, they continue to act like a child. They want to do what they want to do but without the reality of consequence. They want mommy and daddy to continue funding and enabling them and that is not good for anyone. Your son may feel like you have abandoned him but that is on him. You have not abandoned him. He is an adult. He has made his own choices and there are natural consequences. You are not cold or withholding. Let's just say that you or I had a million dollars to give to our sons. Money would never be an issue for them again. What would their lives look like? Would the money suddenly resolve all their issues? No, I do not believe it would. For my son, I would imagine he would blow through it fairly quickly as he has yet to learn the real value of money. Money and things will never help our adult children. Until our adult children get sick and tired of making poor choices and having to deal with the natural consequences of those choices they will never change. It is through life's struggles that we grow. We need to allow our adult children to struggle and find their own way. Hang in there Elsi. ((HUGS)) to you............. [/QUOTE]
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