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It’s me struggling again...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 750326" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Yes.</p><p>Why? Why be angry? This is the script you and he do. This is so predictable it's like a broken record. Why not go back and read your threads? There was zero chance he would not do the same thing. Every single time you give him the money, you reinforce the behavior. This is learned helplessness. He has learned to be dependent upon you. He has to relearn another behavior.</p><p>Somehow, you must feel you deserve this punishment. Until you decide that you don't deserve this you will keep engaged with him.</p><p></p><p>You deserve to be free of this. Free of his mooching and his abuse. Please know this.</p><p></p><p>You don't need advice. It's in the threads. What you need to do, in my opinion, is to decide what you want.</p><p></p><p>Choice 1: ongoing abuse by your son. The ongoing reinforcement of his dependence upon you, your dependence on each other. Because you are dependent upon him too. For the abuse. You are repeating a behavior pattern that is familiar to you most likely. Probably from your childhood; possibly from your marriage, too.</p><p></p><p>Choice 2: by detaching protecting yourself from abuse and stopping the reward of your son for being dependent upon you for his basic needs, and abusing you while he does so.</p><p></p><p>There is no other way to see this, from my view. Until you decide Choice 2 this will continue in exactly the same way. There is virtually no chance it will stop, in my view. Until you stop it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 750326, member: 18958"] Yes. Why? Why be angry? This is the script you and he do. This is so predictable it's like a broken record. Why not go back and read your threads? There was zero chance he would not do the same thing. Every single time you give him the money, you reinforce the behavior. This is learned helplessness. He has learned to be dependent upon you. He has to relearn another behavior. Somehow, you must feel you deserve this punishment. Until you decide that you don't deserve this you will keep engaged with him. You deserve to be free of this. Free of his mooching and his abuse. Please know this. You don't need advice. It's in the threads. What you need to do, in my opinion, is to decide what you want. Choice 1: ongoing abuse by your son. The ongoing reinforcement of his dependence upon you, your dependence on each other. Because you are dependent upon him too. For the abuse. You are repeating a behavior pattern that is familiar to you most likely. Probably from your childhood; possibly from your marriage, too. Choice 2: by detaching protecting yourself from abuse and stopping the reward of your son for being dependent upon you for his basic needs, and abusing you while he does so. There is no other way to see this, from my view. Until you decide Choice 2 this will continue in exactly the same way. There is virtually no chance it will stop, in my view. Until you stop it. [/QUOTE]
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