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Parent Emeritus
It is not the fear of homelessness, it is the fear of coming home
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 672582" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Carolita,</p><p>More than aging and memory slips, it is an understanding that I cannot control what happens with my adult children.</p><p> I cannot fix them.</p><p>I can grasp, that drug use, begets people use. More so parent use.</p><p>It is easy for them to walk all over us, because we let them.</p><p>Of course, we do not see it at first, because we are desperate to "help" them.</p><p>I did not come to see this for many years.</p><p></p><p>How wrong I was to continue to sacrifice the peace in my life, my home, to "help" them.</p><p>They "helped" themselves to whatever they wanted, with nary a concern for us.</p><p></p><p>It becomes a vicious cycle.</p><p></p><p>D cs desperate to find a way, any way to get their next fix,</p><p>parents desperate to find a way, any way to fix their d cs.</p><p>We fall into this dance so readily</p><p>Blinded by love for our d cs</p><p>We do not see that what is happening to them, is also happening to us.</p><p></p><p>I believe our d cs began to really despise us, for our blind love.</p><p>We became easy targets, their hearts hardened by addiction.</p><p></p><p>Nobody else would put up with the craziness of it.</p><p></p><p>So our d cs kept reaching out to us</p><p>and we kept trying to rescue them.</p><p></p><p>As my hubs said, we cannot help someone who does not want to help themselves.</p><p>( I am glad to hear that from my hubs, he has come a long way.)</p><p></p><p>It is hard to think of my daughter walking down the road in the pouring rain.</p><p>It was her choice.</p><p>I owe it to myself, my husband and our young son, to rebuild.</p><p></p><p>Obsession is a kind of addiction too, Carolita.</p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><strong>ob·ses·sion</strong></span></p><p><strong>1. </strong>Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion,</p><p>often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.</p><p><strong>2. </strong>A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.</p><p></p><p>So it is not healthy for us to keep our thoughts trained upon our d cs,</p><p> we cannot control their choices, or actions.</p><p></p><p>I think letting go happens in steps. We realize that we can no longer help, so we detach physically. Our d cs no longer occupy our homes, we stop paying for their things, their lifestyles. But, our d cs continue to occupy our thoughts, we find ourselves worrying about how they are living, what they are doing.</p><p></p><p>Our thoughts become trained on our d cs.</p><p>So, we must start to train our thoughts.</p><p></p><p>I believe it is very important to build ourselves back up,</p><p>we become so broken in this dance of addiction/enabling.</p><p></p><p>Taking care of our health, finding activities, engaging in hobbies, </p><p>to fill up our time and our minds is helpful.</p><p></p><p>Taking it one day at a time, is important.</p><p></p><p>This was a long slow process, entrenched in the drama of our d cs.</p><p>It will take some time to come through.</p><p></p><p>But we will come through.</p><p></p><p>Slow, steady progress.</p><p></p><p>Back to finding the joy in our lives.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 672582, member: 19522"] Hi Carolita, More than aging and memory slips, it is an understanding that I cannot control what happens with my adult children. I cannot fix them. I can grasp, that drug use, begets people use. More so parent use. It is easy for them to walk all over us, because we let them. Of course, we do not see it at first, because we are desperate to "help" them. I did not come to see this for many years. How wrong I was to continue to sacrifice the peace in my life, my home, to "help" them. They "helped" themselves to whatever they wanted, with nary a concern for us. It becomes a vicious cycle. D cs desperate to find a way, any way to get their next fix, parents desperate to find a way, any way to fix their d cs. We fall into this dance so readily Blinded by love for our d cs We do not see that what is happening to them, is also happening to us. I believe our d cs began to really despise us, for our blind love. We became easy targets, their hearts hardened by addiction. Nobody else would put up with the craziness of it. So our d cs kept reaching out to us and we kept trying to rescue them. As my hubs said, we cannot help someone who does not want to help themselves. ( I am glad to hear that from my hubs, he has come a long way.) It is hard to think of my daughter walking down the road in the pouring rain. It was her choice. I owe it to myself, my husband and our young son, to rebuild. Obsession is a kind of addiction too, Carolita. [SIZE=5][B]ob·ses·sion[/B][/SIZE] [B]1. [/B]Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety. [B]2. [/B]A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion. So it is not healthy for us to keep our thoughts trained upon our d cs, we cannot control their choices, or actions. I think letting go happens in steps. We realize that we can no longer help, so we detach physically. Our d cs no longer occupy our homes, we stop paying for their things, their lifestyles. But, our d cs continue to occupy our thoughts, we find ourselves worrying about how they are living, what they are doing. Our thoughts become trained on our d cs. So, we must start to train our thoughts. I believe it is very important to build ourselves back up, we become so broken in this dance of addiction/enabling. Taking care of our health, finding activities, engaging in hobbies, to fill up our time and our minds is helpful. Taking it one day at a time, is important. This was a long slow process, entrenched in the drama of our d cs. It will take some time to come through. But we will come through. Slow, steady progress. Back to finding the joy in our lives. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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It is not the fear of homelessness, it is the fear of coming home
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