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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 758083" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Overcome Mom, I'm so sorry you are going through this. There is nothing you can do about your son or your husband, I wish there was but you already know you can't. I get it, how hopeful it can be when you think things have changed for someone like your son. There is a period, called the "pink cloud", for people in recovery where all seems like it will be roses and flowers going forward only to have real life hit and a realization that life is just not so. For your son this does not mean he will not pick his life up and move forward in the future, after, during his jail time, it is up to him, not you. Same for your husband, whatever it is, your son, the current world situation, that has caused him to come apart, no matter how much we want to help it's really on him. Of course their lives affect you, they are most important to you. It's like your whole world crashing down on you. How do you separate yourself, your soul, from being crushed? I think, I have, experienced some sort of compartmentalization has to happen. Kind of like coming up with the ability to put them in separate boxes, for your self-preservation, to separate yourself from them, at least for a time. This does not mean to become uncaring, but more to get that we have no control over other people and to accept they have total control over themselves.</p><p></p><p>I'm wondering why you can't go off to visit your brother, for an extended period of time. I know it takes much more effort these days but to get on a plane with a mask and a face shield might just be the ticket. To set up a quarantine situation with a test could be a good challenge, something maybe you could do and give you a sense of control you need at this time. </p><p></p><p>Regardless of what you do, I hope you can find a place, a way to get away, for time and space for yourself. Drives in you car, visits to parks to walk around and here, we are here to listen and offer a virtual hug and understanding.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 758083, member: 22840"] Overcome Mom, I'm so sorry you are going through this. There is nothing you can do about your son or your husband, I wish there was but you already know you can't. I get it, how hopeful it can be when you think things have changed for someone like your son. There is a period, called the "pink cloud", for people in recovery where all seems like it will be roses and flowers going forward only to have real life hit and a realization that life is just not so. For your son this does not mean he will not pick his life up and move forward in the future, after, during his jail time, it is up to him, not you. Same for your husband, whatever it is, your son, the current world situation, that has caused him to come apart, no matter how much we want to help it's really on him. Of course their lives affect you, they are most important to you. It's like your whole world crashing down on you. How do you separate yourself, your soul, from being crushed? I think, I have, experienced some sort of compartmentalization has to happen. Kind of like coming up with the ability to put them in separate boxes, for your self-preservation, to separate yourself from them, at least for a time. This does not mean to become uncaring, but more to get that we have no control over other people and to accept they have total control over themselves. I'm wondering why you can't go off to visit your brother, for an extended period of time. I know it takes much more effort these days but to get on a plane with a mask and a face shield might just be the ticket. To set up a quarantine situation with a test could be a good challenge, something maybe you could do and give you a sense of control you need at this time. Regardless of what you do, I hope you can find a place, a way to get away, for time and space for yourself. Drives in you car, visits to parks to walk around and here, we are here to listen and offer a virtual hug and understanding. [/QUOTE]
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