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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 686127" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>All I can say here is that we do this for love. Responsibility, yes. But love most of all. Lil, I could barely read your posts about the hygiene. Because it is so painful. We endure it for the greatest of love. </p><p></p><p>The head wear. The clothes. I am in the same spot, Lil. </p><p></p><p>My son *27 years old, has been living closer to us than he has in 4 plus years. He is staying as much as he can with us and the rest of the time at a rental house we bought with the idea that he work with us to remodel it and live there himself while paying rent.</p><p></p><p>It is one step backward, 2 forward, and so on.</p><p></p><p>He has improved in so many ways. But only with extreme pressure. I walked into the rental house last week. It was a mess. I swear it smelled like a marijuana bonfire. He gave me lip accusing me of trying to take over control of his SSI. (I have applied for my own social security and they have contacted me that my son needs to apply for SSI under my number, which he resists doing.)</p><p></p><p>M told him: You need to leave if you do not treat your mother with respect. The marijuana needs to stop in this house. You will pay the utilities next month. I want you to clean this house from top to bottom. No. I will not bring the utility vacuum. If the house is not clean by Friday, you leave.</p><p></p><p>We walked into the house Friday and it was nearly spotless. The air was clean and fresh. </p><p>I agree one thousand percent with this. The hardest part of having them close in again is <em>to want to do it for them</em>. And seeing up close all the things they need to do and need to see and need to care about--without trying to take responsibility or get mad (me) that they do not.</p><p>Yes, it is. But oh how good it feels when they are here, close, and OK. I had forgotten how that felt. How it feels to have him close, to hear his voice, happy. His sense of humor. To hear him laugh and to want to hug and kiss him with happiness, and to do so.</p><p></p><p>When we entered the rental house I knew it looked good, the job he had done, but I held back to let M make the determination, because he was the taskmaster. I heard M say (in Spanish): good job Son.</p><p></p><p>I began to gush. J, you did I great job. I hugged him and kissed his cheek. He beamed. He said: (in Spanish). Mi primer (and he searched for the right word) obra. Mi primer obra. (Translated means something like, my first accomplishment. They use the word obra to refer to artwork, or job, like a construction job. (Actually, it was far from his first accomplishment. But in the sense of self-renewal it was one of many new beginnings.</p><p>Yes. This is one thousand percent true. And then, when they are ready, they push forward on their own. It may be compliance, because they must. Or it may be, because they decide that it works for them to succeed. They are ready.</p><p></p><p>And then again. Like we say, Rinse, Wash, Repeat.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 686127, member: 18958"] All I can say here is that we do this for love. Responsibility, yes. But love most of all. Lil, I could barely read your posts about the hygiene. Because it is so painful. We endure it for the greatest of love. The head wear. The clothes. I am in the same spot, Lil. My son *27 years old, has been living closer to us than he has in 4 plus years. He is staying as much as he can with us and the rest of the time at a rental house we bought with the idea that he work with us to remodel it and live there himself while paying rent. It is one step backward, 2 forward, and so on. He has improved in so many ways. But only with extreme pressure. I walked into the rental house last week. It was a mess. I swear it smelled like a marijuana bonfire. He gave me lip accusing me of trying to take over control of his SSI. (I have applied for my own social security and they have contacted me that my son needs to apply for SSI under my number, which he resists doing.) M told him: You need to leave if you do not treat your mother with respect. The marijuana needs to stop in this house. You will pay the utilities next month. I want you to clean this house from top to bottom. No. I will not bring the utility vacuum. If the house is not clean by Friday, you leave. We walked into the house Friday and it was nearly spotless. The air was clean and fresh. I agree one thousand percent with this. The hardest part of having them close in again is [I]to want to do it for them[/I]. And seeing up close all the things they need to do and need to see and need to care about--without trying to take responsibility or get mad (me) that they do not. Yes, it is. But oh how good it feels when they are here, close, and OK. I had forgotten how that felt. How it feels to have him close, to hear his voice, happy. His sense of humor. To hear him laugh and to want to hug and kiss him with happiness, and to do so. When we entered the rental house I knew it looked good, the job he had done, but I held back to let M make the determination, because he was the taskmaster. I heard M say (in Spanish): good job Son. I began to gush. J, you did I great job. I hugged him and kissed his cheek. He beamed. He said: (in Spanish). Mi primer (and he searched for the right word) obra. Mi primer obra. (Translated means something like, my first accomplishment. They use the word obra to refer to artwork, or job, like a construction job. (Actually, it was far from his first accomplishment. But in the sense of self-renewal it was one of many new beginnings. Yes. This is one thousand percent true. And then, when they are ready, they push forward on their own. It may be compliance, because they must. Or it may be, because they decide that it works for them to succeed. They are ready. And then again. Like we say, Rinse, Wash, Repeat. [/QUOTE]
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