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It really is bigger than I am
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 377680" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>(I apologize if the following comes across as harsh. I have the flu, so my ability to string words together AND be tactful is impaired, to say the least. I think I might understand a little bit from Manster's perspective, so I feel the need to weigh in. Well, here goes...)</p><p></p><p>It's important to remember that interventions, socialization practice etc. won't ever make an Aspie "normal". With adolescent hormones going crazy, a new school year to worry about, concern about his weight and possibly even about his appearance starting to spring up, Manster already has an awful lot on his mind. Asking him to socialize on top of all that might simply be too much for him.</p><p></p><p>For me, and the other Aspies I know, socializing is like speaking a foreign language. You may be fluent, but it's still really hard work to understand the ebb and flow of the conversation around you. You have to pay attention all the time, and if you miss something, you might lose the thread entirely. It can be exhausting. If you're well rested and don't have a lot of other things on the go, it's a lot easier to devote your whole mind to the "foreign conversation" happening around you. Getting out and spending time with others might feel like that for Manster. And his capacity to deal with it is diminished by the very fact of being an adolescent, let alone anything else that's going on in his and your lives.</p><p></p><p>I think forcing someone to endure a bad social interaction can do far more harm than letting him be withdrawn for a while. Maybe Manster needs to conserve his socializing energy for critical interactions, and other things can slide a bit until he feels more capable of coping.</p><p></p><p>I do understand your husband's wanting to stick to your guns and be consistent, but sometimes it's also important to be flexible. Both are good lessons to be modeled.</p><p></p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 377680, member: 3907"] (I apologize if the following comes across as harsh. I have the flu, so my ability to string words together AND be tactful is impaired, to say the least. I think I might understand a little bit from Manster's perspective, so I feel the need to weigh in. Well, here goes...) It's important to remember that interventions, socialization practice etc. won't ever make an Aspie "normal". With adolescent hormones going crazy, a new school year to worry about, concern about his weight and possibly even about his appearance starting to spring up, Manster already has an awful lot on his mind. Asking him to socialize on top of all that might simply be too much for him. For me, and the other Aspies I know, socializing is like speaking a foreign language. You may be fluent, but it's still really hard work to understand the ebb and flow of the conversation around you. You have to pay attention all the time, and if you miss something, you might lose the thread entirely. It can be exhausting. If you're well rested and don't have a lot of other things on the go, it's a lot easier to devote your whole mind to the "foreign conversation" happening around you. Getting out and spending time with others might feel like that for Manster. And his capacity to deal with it is diminished by the very fact of being an adolescent, let alone anything else that's going on in his and your lives. I think forcing someone to endure a bad social interaction can do far more harm than letting him be withdrawn for a while. Maybe Manster needs to conserve his socializing energy for critical interactions, and other things can slide a bit until he feels more capable of coping. I do understand your husband's wanting to stick to your guns and be consistent, but sometimes it's also important to be flexible. Both are good lessons to be modeled. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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