Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
It really is bigger than I am
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 377686" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Is husband "on the front line" with manster? What I mean is, does your husband spend much of his time carping at you from the background while YOU handle the day to day difficult child stuff? Or is husband right there doing things, going to the tdocs, docs, schools, etc... and doing a lot of the first level interacting with manster? I know not all husband's are on that "front line" for a wide variety of reasons. If husband is on the "front lines" with you, then in my opinion his thoughs should hold quite a lot of weight, and before you say something to manster you should be sure it is something you will enforce and not give in on.</p><p> </p><p>If, on the other hand, your husband is carping but doesn't actually do a lot with manster, either in limit setting, rule enforcing, backing you up and just spending time with him, they maybe you need to consider all the time you spend on that so called front line and see if you really ARE out of line with letting manster talk you out of stuff. It is really easy to pick on problems if you are not dealing with them in any real way. Sometimes dads slide into that mode, for whatever reasons.</p><p> </p><p>Another thing to think about - are you letting yourself be talked out of a lot of stuff because it is easier? It is NOT always a bad thing, and in my opinion kids of any age need to win once in a while in discussions about stuff. But sometimes we get to a point where regardless of what we say about firmness, we are going back on a LOT of stuff we say. Then it is time to make a commitment to ourselves and our kids that we will be very careful about what we say, but once it is said we must stick to it. Not said as in a discussion where you discuss what would happen if you did this or that. More in the terms of making less commitments to go do things, but insisting on follow through for the few that are important enough to insist on. </p><p></p><p>It calls for speaking more mindfully, which I know would be good for ME, and then making sure that if you have said something that you follow through on it. It can help kids because they know you won't commit with-o thinking it through and if you commit you will follow through. They begin to pay more attention to the words that mean NO, because they realize that YOU are also paying attention to them. Know what I mean??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 377686, member: 1233"] Is husband "on the front line" with manster? What I mean is, does your husband spend much of his time carping at you from the background while YOU handle the day to day difficult child stuff? Or is husband right there doing things, going to the tdocs, docs, schools, etc... and doing a lot of the first level interacting with manster? I know not all husband's are on that "front line" for a wide variety of reasons. If husband is on the "front lines" with you, then in my opinion his thoughs should hold quite a lot of weight, and before you say something to manster you should be sure it is something you will enforce and not give in on. If, on the other hand, your husband is carping but doesn't actually do a lot with manster, either in limit setting, rule enforcing, backing you up and just spending time with him, they maybe you need to consider all the time you spend on that so called front line and see if you really ARE out of line with letting manster talk you out of stuff. It is really easy to pick on problems if you are not dealing with them in any real way. Sometimes dads slide into that mode, for whatever reasons. Another thing to think about - are you letting yourself be talked out of a lot of stuff because it is easier? It is NOT always a bad thing, and in my opinion kids of any age need to win once in a while in discussions about stuff. But sometimes we get to a point where regardless of what we say about firmness, we are going back on a LOT of stuff we say. Then it is time to make a commitment to ourselves and our kids that we will be very careful about what we say, but once it is said we must stick to it. Not said as in a discussion where you discuss what would happen if you did this or that. More in the terms of making less commitments to go do things, but insisting on follow through for the few that are important enough to insist on. It calls for speaking more mindfully, which I know would be good for ME, and then making sure that if you have said something that you follow through on it. It can help kids because they know you won't commit with-o thinking it through and if you commit you will follow through. They begin to pay more attention to the words that mean NO, because they realize that YOU are also paying attention to them. Know what I mean?? [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
It really is bigger than I am
Top