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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 378038" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">{{ML}} There are a few complex issues at play here. H is not involved to the extent that you are and rather than complement one another's approaches in handling issues with Manster, you butt heads...(just like my H and I used to, em, still do at times, with difficult child/easy child). Perhaps if you were on the same page, he would have tried to see your point of view instead of berating you for 'giving in'. Are the things that are important to you concerning Manster also important to H? And vice versa?</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">Another issue at play is Manster's age and temperament. Remember that you've already established patterns in the way in which you deal with one another. And then suddenly, his attitude has an extra twist called adolescence. This may or may not be the case, but are you reacting the same way you always have, or have you changed your approach? Sometimes shaking things up a bit, catching them off guard, can help them see things differently.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">I really do not think that you backed off. And furthermore, not everything has to be a battle at this stage of his development. It's okay if he chooses to not do some things and participate in others. Perhaps BEFORE an event is planned, you can discuss with him about choosing between two events, both social, but he must choose at least one where he is isolated. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">Based on your posts and the way in which you've handled things with Manster in the past, I would say that you are doing very well. You choose your battles and you go with your gut. It's all we can do, really, is trust our instincts with each and every passing moment. There have been times when I've had to confront one of my daughters (or H) and I've already mapped out my approach, what I will say, how I will say it and believing all the while that I am rational and calm. And then when I actually make that approach I may be accused of being overbearing or controlling or even ridiculous! To me, the issue may be the most important ever but to them, it's just a small blip on the radar. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">After you discussed playing tennis with Manster, he told you how he felt and why and you compromised to a degree. I see nothing wrong with that. I firmly believe that it's very important to remain flexible, especially with our difficult children.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">I really loved the way that trinity explained it - that my my difficult child to a T. We always had to plan her social calendar very carefully. Often she would bow out of birthday parties and my H would really get a little crazy as to why!!! He never ever got it - still doesn't.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">Hugs, and best of luck, hang in there.</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 378038, member: 2211"] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]{{ML}} There are a few complex issues at play here. H is not involved to the extent that you are and rather than complement one another's approaches in handling issues with Manster, you butt heads...(just like my H and I used to, em, still do at times, with difficult child/easy child). Perhaps if you were on the same page, he would have tried to see your point of view instead of berating you for 'giving in'. Are the things that are important to you concerning Manster also important to H? And vice versa?[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]Another issue at play is Manster's age and temperament. Remember that you've already established patterns in the way in which you deal with one another. And then suddenly, his attitude has an extra twist called adolescence. This may or may not be the case, but are you reacting the same way you always have, or have you changed your approach? Sometimes shaking things up a bit, catching them off guard, can help them see things differently.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]I really do not think that you backed off. And furthermore, not everything has to be a battle at this stage of his development. It's okay if he chooses to not do some things and participate in others. Perhaps BEFORE an event is planned, you can discuss with him about choosing between two events, both social, but he must choose at least one where he is isolated. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]Based on your posts and the way in which you've handled things with Manster in the past, I would say that you are doing very well. You choose your battles and you go with your gut. It's all we can do, really, is trust our instincts with each and every passing moment. There have been times when I've had to confront one of my daughters (or H) and I've already mapped out my approach, what I will say, how I will say it and believing all the while that I am rational and calm. And then when I actually make that approach I may be accused of being overbearing or controlling or even ridiculous! To me, the issue may be the most important ever but to them, it's just a small blip on the radar. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]After you discussed playing tennis with Manster, he told you how he felt and why and you compromised to a degree. I see nothing wrong with that. I firmly believe that it's very important to remain flexible, especially with our difficult children.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]I really loved the way that trinity explained it - that my my difficult child to a T. We always had to plan her social calendar very carefully. Often she would bow out of birthday parties and my H would really get a little crazy as to why!!! He never ever got it - still doesn't.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]Hugs, and best of luck, hang in there.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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